▶ Your Answer :
Today,
many people are concerned about negative effects of the modern development on
the environment. Some people argue that less reliance on new technologies is
the solution to this issue. However, I believe that we can tackle environmental
issues the opinion with the advancement of technology.
There
is no doubt that less dependence on modern technologies can reduce the damage
on the environment. In the past, our surroundings used to be greener when
people had simpler lives. For instance, issues such as the global warming and
other climatic changes only occurred after the commencement of the modern era.
This point illustrates how the growth of the modern world has caused
environmental problems. Thus, less reliance on technology could result in the
preservation of the nature.>> 자세한 내용들이 없고 결론도 급하게 끝맺는 듯한 느낌이 듭니다 본론에서 나올 자세한 내용이 아닙니다
Nevertheless,
it will be difficult to suddenly adapt suddenly to the simpler lifestyle due to our
heavy dependence on current technologies. Hence, instead of renouncing the
benefits of the modern technology, we can utilize it to solve the environmental
issues. For example, new implementations such as the invention of vehicles
powered by electricity, instead of fossil fuels, can decrease the environmental damage.
Likewise, without compensating convenience or comfort >> 편리함과 편안함에게 보상하는 것 없이 무슨 말인지 모르겠네요, we can promote more
environment-friendly ways of living. Hence, new development of technology can
aid us to lead greener lifestyles.
As
I mentioned above, it will be challenging to reintroduce the life without benefits of
modern technology. Instead, we should utilize modern technologies in effective
ways to resolve the current environmental crisis instead of returning to old
life styles.
환경친화적으로 어떻게 해야 하는 지가 서술이 없고 자세함을 요하는 본론 부분에서 자세한 부분이 없네요 설득력 있지 않고 수긍하기 힘듭니다 Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다 |