▶ Your Answer : Remarkable advances in technologies and science have expanded the way we gather information. Regarding this, some people are of the opinion that it is not necessary to maintain the public libraries, while others insist that keeping those places is beneficial with some reasons. This essay will discuss diffrent views of the matter.
First of all, many people claim that the public libraries are beneficial to both visitors and local residents. For example, so-called an academic atmosphere, one of the unique traits of library has, helps students or other people to concentrate on their studying or researching. In addition, it is a guaranteed way to obtain good quality of information to visit the public libraries, whereas most Internet informational resources on the Internet are unreliable.>> 왜 unreliable 할까요? 정보가 주관적이다라는 말이 들어가면 좋겠네요 Moreover, there are still many people who cannot access online libraries or use computer in our society. So >> so but also or and 는 문두에 안 쓰는 것이 좋습니다, they will not be able to find information if libraries disappear.
On the other hand, preservation of a public library is more costly than that of online. For instance, most information gathered from the online is cheap or free, while the government has to spend annual budget in order to operate public libraries. Additionally, many people feel the information in libraries is out-of-date since it cannot be updated in real-time due to some financial reasons. In this sense, many people regard online information as an attractive way to collect information. So, it seems wiser for the government to invest the money on improving the quality of online information.’
In conclusion, both online information and public libraries have distinctive contribution to our pursuit of knowledge. However, as above I stated above, if the public libraries are replaced by the online information, some people cannot get the information which they need. Therefore, the government has to focus on improving the quality of public libraries’ information for equal opportunities for information gathering of all local residents.
우선 글이 깔끔하게 읽혔습니다 2년 쉬고도 이렇게 쓰셨으면 군대 가기 전엔 정말 잘하셨겠네요 government는 the와 같이 다니고 the를 쓰지 않는 경우는 복수형이 될 때입니다 참고해주시구요 관사부분만 잘 봐주시면 문법은 큰 이상이 없어 보입니다 다만 단어를 좀 더 다양하게 써주시면 좋겠습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 이지만 조금만 손 보신다면 6.5 충분할 듯 싶습니다 |