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Two main types of accommodations are house and apartment. It depends on personal preference house can be better >>접속사가 없이 어떻게 이어졌나요? than apartment despite of boom of building apartment. I strongly agree to live with that living in a house has more advantages.>> accommodation의 두 종류는 house와 apartment다 어떤 사람들은 house 가 살기 좋다하고 어떤 사람들은 apartment가 좋다고 한다 나는 어디가 더 이점이 있다고 생각한다 식으로 전체적으로 맥락은 이어지게 작성해주세요
First of all, in terms of raising up kids and pets, living in a house has more space and it people living in a house do not need to worry about noise. It is because which caused by them and disturb your neighbour there is no one downstairs or upstairs. If your environment is closed to nature such as tree, grass and soil, it would will be educationally grateful to your children. >> 갑자기 자연과 가깝다는게 무슨 말인가요? 또한 자연과 가까운게 house 와 apartment의 장단점을 구별할 요소는 아닙니다
Secondly, you can renovate your house easier than apartment renovating houses is easy as long as it belongs to you the owner. If you want to build up more stories>>?? or change the front yard to pool, you can do whatever you want.>> 예시가 아닌 곳에선 you 라는 말 쓰지 않습니다 예시에서도 you를 자주 쓰진 않구요 On the contrary, apartment is quite limited space. For example if you want to change your room or bathroom, you might need allowances from builder or management in condition of that you will not disturb you neighbour. 본문 하나엔 하나의 주장만 써주세요 또한 반대되는 말이 나오면 문단 바꾸는게 맞습니다
Finally, to live in a apartment is required to share some facilities such as parking areas and the elevator. >> 주장이 있으면 설명이 있어야합니다 또한 house 를 주장하기에 house 를 중심으로 얘기해야 합니다 house에 살면 공유할 필요가 없다 식으로요 For instance of me, I live in a nine stories >>?? apartment which has 10 units >> what do you mean by units? in at each level, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 but we just have only one elevator. Every morning, I spend over three minutes to wait waiting it. Even there are about eight spaces for parking. Most of our tenants park their vehicles on the road. It makes me stressful every evening when I get >> get back은 아카데믹에서 좋은 표현이 아니구요 구어체에 가깝습니다 get 동사 자체를 피해주세요 back to home to find an empty parking area. Conversely, to live in a house is free for this matter.
In conclusion, apartment is a new accommodation type affected on people's needs. However, >> 문두 부사 뒤 콤마입니다 there are still many benefits to live in a house that to live in an apartment. >> 비교급도 나오지 않았고 that 으로 이어진게 왜인지 어떻게 해석해야 하는지 이해가 안 가네요
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기본적인 문법이나 표현 등이 제대로 잡혀있지 않네요 우선 글을 쓰기 전에 문법 공부를 좀 더 하시는게 나을 듯 싶스비다 또한 공부 하신 후 Task1을 쓰시는게 좋구요 Task2 는 이릅니다 문단은 4개 서론 본론1 본론2 결론이 좋고 본론 더 보강해주세요 짧습니다 논리도 안 맞구요 단어도 이상한게 쓰였네요 좋지 않습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |