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In recent years, there has been a considerable debate over the way of teaching children. Some people advocate that parents should take on a role of instructors who educate children. Others maintain that children should be educated in the school >> 어떤 부사가 없이 그냥 나오니까 좀 이상하게 보입니다 However, 나 but others disagree wih it. Whilst Although I believe that there are strong arguments on both sides>> Although the two standpoints makes sense, I would suggest that argue school is the single most important place to teach students.>> I argue 라고 하는게 가장 자연스럽고 좋아서 앞에 others maintain 이라고 argue 겹치지 않으려 바꿔드렸습니다
To begin with, school is a better expert on in educating than parents. They educational institution usually have formulated form to teach students and various methods. Especially, high-educated educators which is who are called teacher instructs students in the school. The professional lecturers educationists will efficiently lead efficiently students to achieve their schoolwork and also they educate the right courtesy to students with their experiences and methods. It means school is not only a place to study, but also institute to instruct students` courtesy.>> not only, but also 를 쓰실 땐 also 를 빼도 되는거구요 only를 빼면 안 됩니다 주장, 설명, 설명, 설명, 정리로만 끝난 글입니다 설명에서 formulate 해왔다고 했는데 어떤 식으로 했는지 등에 대한 것들을 예시로 보충해야 하는데 아쉬웠네요
학교는 다양한 방법과 학생들을 가르치는 형태를 발전시켜왔다. 특히, 선생님이라 불리는 능숙한 교육자들은 학교에서 학생들을 지도한다. 그 교육자들은 학생들이 학업과 예절을 효율적으로 배울 수 있게 인도할 것이다 -> 설명도 연이어 이어지지 않고 한 문장마다 따로 노는 것 같습니다 학교는 경험이나 자신만의 방법을 기반으로한 능숙한 교육자들을 배치함으로써 수업의 효율성을 높여왔다. 이렇게 표현할 수도 있겠습니다
Furthermore, without schooling, students are facing face a to trouble when they are heading out to entre university. In the college entrance exam, which is for enrolling to higher education institute, such as SAT, A level, students are normally required plentiful knowledge for every single subject. They can mainly learn those varied subjects in the school. Normally, most of the schools hire a number of teachers who are experts for their sphere in their fields for educating each different subject to students. Students might be able to exhibit their study as long as they focus on the lectures which are performed by those different specialists. For entering university, school is the best means to pursue someone`s knowledge.>> 대학에 들어가기 위해, 학교는 누군가의 지식을 쫓기 위한 최고의 방법이다? 무슨 말이죠?
In conclusion, to be a good member of society, students should choose a school as a first place to study. It is because,>> 콤마 빼주세요 school has nicer more enhanced 더 좋아서 고쳐드렸습니다 teaching skills than parents and also they have various knowledge and methods for a lot of subjects. Furthermore, school also educates students to be a right person.
라이팅은 제일잘본게 6.5까지 나와서 나름 걱정안했는데 5.0이라니 충격이네요ㅠㅠ 점수도 같이 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다.!
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라이팅은 주제에 따라 점수차가 큰 편이에요 계속 연습해서 실력 쌓으면서 그 주제 간의 차이를 좁혀나가는 것이기도 하구요 저도 6.5 받을 당시에 5.5도 나오고 6.0도 나오고 들쑥날쑥 했었던 기억이 있습니다 보시면 논리 전개에서 실수가 있습니다 단순히 주장과 설명만 나열된 문장들입니다 그 사이에 긴밀하거나 바로 이해가 될 그런 연결도 부족하구요 이해가 잘 안 되는 문장도 있네요 문법 실수도 잦습니다
주제에 따라서 점수차가 클 듯 싶네요 현재 구성하는게 본문에선 주장 설명까지 구조 면에선 괜찮긴 해서요 연습하셔서 그 차이들을 좁혀보세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |