▶ Your Answer :
With information
becoming the most important factor for success in modern society, people need
to consider the effectiveness of how media delivers information for successful
career. In our current community, books, television and films are the most popular
means to convey information. I will inspect the merits and demerits of them and
decide what the most efficient is. <여기서 먼저 비교를 한후 결정을 하겠다 보다는 이러한 장/단점들이있는데, 거기서 나는 이게 제일 effective하다고 생각한다 라고 말씀해주시는데 좋습니다.
Firstly,
television is the most convenient media for citizens because people can easily
have access to them. Moreover, TV television can could provide people with useful information
faster than other means and it has a far-reaching power on all over the world. However,
it tends to pump out a massive amount of information indiscriminately, which
can have detrimental effects on society.
Secondly, (not a good transition)> the
authors have to write a book, based on close investigation, to persuade readers
and to make their perspective reliable. Books, therefore, can offer people credible
information. Also, being in as well as it has written form, can allow which people to could rethink on the
issue of the book by reading it repeatedly. On the other hand, the certain
premise of writers might outweigh the facts in the process of making the book,
since they cannot exclude completely exclude their presupposition while analyzing some
resources.
Lastly, films are also is
able to give society significant messages and promote the audience to look back into
the affairs that needs attention for a change of view or correction. needed to make them right, For instance, The Lawyer, a Korean movie, encouraged citizens to
reevaluate critically the dictatorship of past. Nevertheless, the influence of
films are is so limited and movies frequently contain scenes that distort events or reconstruct ideas for commercial purpose. has often distorted events and reconstructed them
for commercial purpose.
In my opinion,
television is the most efficacious media due to the extensive influence and
accessibility, swiftness of it, even though films and books has also also have some
benefits. In addition, television TV will become more efficient mean in the future as
internet will accelerate TV it to have a wider scope and better accessibility.
Score:5 Comment: 한국어는 general하게 무언가에 대해 이야기하면 단수형인데 영어는 복수형으로 단어를 써요. 그리고 영화 이름 같은 경우는 capitalize & italicize 꼭 해줘야합니다 중요한 타이틀이니깐요. 문장 안에 too much information을 넣을라고 하는 것같요. 그렇기 때문에 문장을 읽기가 어색하고 이해하기도 힘들어요. 특히 문장안에 structure을 조금더 연습해야할거같아요. 어색한 부분이 많아 revise가 필요한 문장들이 있습니다.
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