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These days, a substantial number of people say that punishment is vital when teachers and parents educate children since the children can recognize what is right or not. Contrary to this argument, physical punishment cannot be a way of education for children regardless of the intentions of educators. The rationale behind of this notion is that physical punishment might be a violence to children and conversation can be an alternative solution to direct kids into a correct way.
First, children might not think that corporal punishment is a way of correcting their bad behavior. It is possible for kids to recognize that punishment as a sort of violence, so they would not understand reasons for why they are scolded by parents and teachers. On top of that, young kids might keep those physical punishment moments in their mind the moments and it might be a certain scar which when the parents or teachers would hit them whenever the guidance or teachers want to them. For example, when I was in my childhood, my father sometimes hit me when I had not followed his directions. Unfortunately, since I remembered his physical punishment until now so far, I have not been able to have a conversation with him although even though I know that he wanted me to grow up politely. Therefore, regardless of the aims of the punishment for children, physical puishment punishment on their body cannot be a certain educational method.
Moreover, parents and teachers can correct wrong behaviors of kids and let them know what their fault is through conversations. Above all, the goal of teaching is to notice make children notice their mistakes and make a change in behavior available change. It means that it is necessary for a young child to realize a the reason that their parents or teachers are angry with them and try to tell realize their faults. Then, they would remind their impolite action and the unhappy moment with their loving parents and teachers. For instance, my mother has always tried to show me a reason that my wish was excessive or demanding by explaining the economic situation of our family and improper time of doing it. As a result, I have always talk about what I want to do and what I am going to do in the future with my mother.
To sum up, without any doubt, bodily punishment should not be approved to direct wrong behaviors of children because of the negative impact of physical punishment and the existence of a better way to let them know the difference between right and wrong through dialogues.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 내용은 좋으세요. Introduction 도 잘 쓰신거 같아요. 대신 아직 표현력이나 문법, 문장 structure이 어색해서 많이 틀리십니다. 그리고 똑같은 이야기나 부분을 쓰십니다. 다른 말로로 바꿔서 하거나 아니면 그냥 반복적으로 나옵니다. Repetitive 하지 않게 조심해주세요. |