▶ Your Answer :
Given are two graphs showing water use in the world by sectors and illustrating water consumption of Brazil and Congo.
It is obvious that global water demands had an upward trend throughout the century. Among the three purposes<(three purposes라고 이야기 하시기전에 그 purpose들이 뭔지 소개를 해주셔야합니다), the figure for agriculture accounted for the largest proportion in water use graph. Also, it is noticeable that water consumption was significantly higher in Brazil than Congo. <(토픽 문잔으로 global water에 대해서 먼저 쓰셧다면 이 문단의 내용은 Graph 1쪽으로만 흐를거라고 reader는 생각하고 있을겁니다)
According to the line graph, the agriculture sector used the largest amounts of water in 1990, at was about 500km^3, whereas the figures for industrial and domestic water maintained, at nearly 100km^3 from 1990 to 1940. However, the water use for agriculture rose dramatically to around 3000km^3, while the industrial sector's consumption increased to just over 1000km^3 and domestic consumption reached around 300km^3. Finally The expenditure of agricultural purpose showed six times the figure for domestic use in 2000.
When it comes to the table, the amount of irrigated land in Brazil was 26,500km^3 with the population of 176 million, whereas 1000m^3 land was irrigated and there were 52 million people in Congo. Therefore, Brazilian consumed 265 times more water than Congo. <(water consumption person는 이야기를 안하셔서 브라질이 콩고 보다 265배 더 물을 썻따고 fact로 단정 지을수 없습니다)
Score: 5.5 Comment: 문단별 정리가 조금 더 필요한 글입니다. 주어진 figure안에서의 내용을 빼먹지 않는게 중요합니다. 또한 차트 안의 어떤 부분들이 있는지 소개를 먼저 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. |