▶ Your Answer :
The pie charts compare and contrast data on changes in the amount of expenditures in a British school during the year of 1981, 1991, and 2001. Overall, it is clear from the charts that the ratio of teachers’ salaries and furniture and equipment increased in 2001, while the school did not invest more budget on other workers’ salaries and learning resources in 2001.
In details, the amount of salaries for teachers took up 45% of the entire proportion in 2001, making up 40% and the half of the total spending in 1981 and 1991 respectively.<(두번째 clause의 어순이 어색합니다) In terms of changes in the figure for furniture and equipment, there was a steady increase to 23% of a whole expenditures in 2001, leaving 8 percent for insurance which also had increased in 2001 from 1981 to 2001.
However, the percentage of other workers’ salaries decreased gradually to 15% of the entire rate in 2001, even though it took up 28% in 1981. In addition, there was a fluctuation in the ratio of resources. The figure for resources comprised more than a quarter (quarter = 25%) of the total in 1981, while in 2001 this proportion accounted for below a tenth of the total spending, going through an increase in 1991, at a fifth of the entire expenditures.<(1981, 1991, 2001순으로 내용이 와야하는 이 문장은 마치 2001뒤에 1991이 온것 처럼 이야기 하고 있으십니다.)
Score: 3 Comment: Organize가 전혀 안되어 있고 설명이 잘 안된 글입니다. 조금더 차트나 그래프를 설명 하는 방법을 공부하시면 좋을 것같습니다. 지금으로 서는 어순이랑 설명이 잘 안되어있어서 질문을 satisfy 하지고 않고 틀리거나 헷갈리는 내용으로 흐름을 타고있습니다. 2001에 teachers' salary 가 1981 비교해서 increase지만 1991에 비교해서는 decrease입니다. 추가러 어색하거나 틀린 내용은 하이라이트 했습니다. |