■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. | |
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▶ Your Answer :
Unlike animals which that need a short period of breeding and protection before getting living on their own their own abilities to feed on, human beings require much more extended periods to be grown-ups. Some people discuss on whether parental teaching is more efficient way to make children good members of society or school is the very place for it. I would like to give two reasons to explain both of these views and suggest my own. Those who stress parent's teaching often suggest that the formation of character is almost done when ze is below 7(숫자 1~10은 글로 써주셔야합니다) years old. Parents are the closest people to ze at zis infancy, so teaching ze to be socially acceptable person almost belongs to parents' role. Moreover, the special relationship between parents and children guarantees sincere input-output mechanism in teaching. Parents know their children more than others, and children, who also know the this fact and have been taught by parents from birth to now, have strong trust in their parents. This connection leads to a magnificent outcome in teaching manners and courtesies. On the other hand, there are also strong opponents proponents on the role of school on this issue. In school, children can experience a 'society' and practise what they have learnt. The opportunity of belonging to groups of friends, classes, club activities and other diverse small societies can be only provided at school. Children learn to be a 'homo-socio' by material contacts within a school. In addition, a variety of groups in school lets them earn various knowledge on norms, cultures and manners which differ according to the type of groups. Children gradually accept their role as a friend, a member of a class, a student, a football player in a club and so forth. It shapes them to be highly sociable.
I agree with both opinions. It doesn't seem to be a black-or-white question. School and parents are both needed for children, but there can be a certain classification of time. When children are young, parents play a significant role in children's character. But after they get older than that, teachings and experiences at school will have more much impact on children. Thus, children are to be grown-ups through constant learning and relationships at home and school, which would be a long way to go.
Score: 7.5 Comment: Minimal mistake가 있고 persuasive한 에세입니다. 다만 글쓴이도 아시다시파 글자수가 300을 넘슴니다. 그것 외엔 좋은 글이 라고 생각합니다. 또한 ze, zis, hir에 대한 사용은 저도 확실하지는 않습니다. 정식으로 쓰는 표현은 아닌거 같습니다. 주로 불확실할때는 he로 동일하거나 one으로 표현 하는 사람들도 있습니다. | |
종이에 글자수 안 세고 썼는데 너무 긴거같네요 지금보니.ㅠㅠ