▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, people read and watch about the lives of famous
people through the mass media. Some believe that it is not proper that mass
media provides private information about famous people such as pictures or
videos. I personally agree that this is an inappropriate way for media to
expose such information to the general public since it can (be moved important
subject to cover)<(이 부분에 대한 이해를 잘 못하겠습니다) and cause depression or suicide for celebrities.
As technology develops, we can encounter
enormous amounts of information on the internet even if we are not necessarily
searching for it. The majority of people
are interested in celebrities and their lives. Hence, some governments or politicians use the mass media
to covered their issue by publishing celebrity’s news. For example, in Korea, news-broadcasting
companies use celebrity scandals as a method to hide government issues or
feuds. They divert citizen’s attentions to the different news.
The media should do their original role, which is reporting current
events and putting idea’s together about issues.
Every year, some celebrities suffer from depression and become suicidal killed by themselves because of articles about their privacy. According to the statistical study issued by
Korean newspaper, it shows shown that more than half of Korean actor or actress have
depression by having their private information exposed on media exposing their private information on media<(by exposing their~는 연예인이 직접 자신에 대한 정보를 expose하다 라는 뜻입니다). People enjoy the gossip for passing time or
entertainment. However, celebrities are losing willpower of lives when they are
targets for gossip.
In conclusion, I
believe that there are other various subjects that publishing companies should focus
on. They should write about more important news for people instead of invading
celebrity’s privacy. <(Can improve)
Score:5.5 Comment: 저번 보다 휠씬 좋은 글입니다. 다만, 아직 두 번째 문단은 저번 처럼 왜 연예인 사생활이 기사화되는지 에 대한 이야기 처럼 들립니다. 조금더 주제와 연결점을 찻으셔서 그 부분을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
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