▶ Your Answer :
Some people
cherish teenage years as the our most wonderful period in life due to its pureness
and temporary scarcity. However, others highly value life as an adult for its
sincerity and honesty overcoming many a lot of hardships. These two perspectives are
worth essaying. <(need better thesis statement)
In terms of the teenage
period, there are many reasons making people to remember it as a precious
memory. First of all, we can share our daily life with friends. With friends,
we share our feelings and stories together. Secondly, goals are is clear. What we
should do is to go to university or graduate high school by studying or
concentrating some single thing.<(????) Lastly, we are free from responsibilities. Except
some hard cases, all the necessities are provided by our parents, making us as a
pure consumer group without any productive action. These factors are adding additional
beauty to our memory than reality.
With regard to
adult life, there is no shield or tutorial stage. Thus, this reality attracts
many people to think adult life is happier than teenage life. Their opinion is
quite persuasive. Firstly, we might see that teenage period is a preparation to
the life as an adult. Thus, intrinsically, adult life is much more valuable.
Secondly, we are facing huge challenges that were not able to be imagine when we
were students. By overcoming hardships, we learn and grow up as an individual
man. Lastly, we can make our own life. Compared to teenagers, we are making
hundreds of decisions for our life. All of us know that responsibilities are all
ours. However, independent sailing without an anchor could give us a true happiness.
In conclusion, both
views are persuasive. However, my personal opinion is more close to the latter.
With the three 3 reasons above, I strongly believe a growth ???. As time goes by, an
individual becomes a better person based on precious experiences and
interactions with people. Even though people are suffering from a large burden
as an adult, I believe that their happiness is not just being a ‘happy’ person
but a watching themselves to become a real adult we can respect.
Score: 6 Comment: 내용은 fair 한데 we, us, our 같은 point of view를 피해주셔서 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. we 라고 쓰시면 두 관점다 우리의 관점인데 그럼 그 우리는 누구인지 그 우리가 같은 사람인지 헷갈리게 됩니다.또한 숫자 1~10은 글로 써주셔야합니다. 나머지는 내용정리를 조금 더 해주시고 ㅛ현도 조금 더 다양하게 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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