▶ Your Answer :
When it comes to learning our past, there is a growing debate over whether it is a waste of time. Although some people say we need to focus more on studying about problems that we are confronted with now, I confidently argue that it is essential to accurately know accurately our valuable history.
(이 문장의 내용인 글쓴이의 의견은 introduction에 같이 나와야합니다.)>However, I agree the argument to some extent that there is are nothing we can have benefits <(글쓴이의 생각이 잘 반영이 되고 있지 않습니다) through looking back our past. It is true that history is it results of winners in previous battles or in the political situations. Therefore, it cannot help to avoiding to be distorted and written do not precise results in history records. In addition, we cannot deny that the time of the past not only already happened, but also cannot change stories. In other words, it is better to concentrate on matters we face now now we faced and many people agree that trying to handle these problems is more valuable thing. This is because we have already had many bad situations to solve for a better modern society.
(내용 연결이 전혀 안되고 있습니다)
In my opinion, we should invest much more time into earning priceless historical lessons. First of all, reading history recordings helps us find solutions to be key points of modern problems. This is because there are a number of our ancestor's wisdom that they earned through suffering from various hardships such as battles and poverty for many years. For example, the territorial contention between South Korea and Japan about Dokdo island has continued for about fifty years. If we review the past events about this island and how we treated this argument, it could be helpful helpness for dealing with problems to come related to this matter.
As I mentioned above about this problems, I totally disagree about this opinion that we do not need to regard history as that need to learn because we can find an important message from our previous generations' behaviour for making a better future.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 내용은 좋은데 글쓴이의 주장이 thoroughly clear하지 않습니다. 또한 문단별 연결 잘 안되고 있으며 이해가 잘 안되는 문구들이 있습니다. 그 부분들은 하이라이트를 했습니다. agree and disagree를 하실라면 introduction에 그리 써주셔야합니다. 또한 I, we, us, our 이라는 관점을 쓰지 않으시는게 좋습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |