▶ Your Answer : People have different opinions on whether or not a person’s certain talents are created when he or she is was born, especially inherent capabilities in sport or music. Both views will be discussed below as well as my personal opinion regarding these issue. On the one hand, it is often said that nothing is there would not exist any impossible thing if you make made an every effort with enthusiasm by some. In fact, many different examples that a person became successful as a singer or a athlete, have supported this view. One of the most persuasive prototypes is Taehwan Park who is a famous swimming sports star worldwide. In his childhood, Taehwan was relatively small than is peers and suffered badly from asthma; he was not suitable for becoming an athlete. Therefore, the shy boy started to learn swimming to overcome adversities in spite of his huge fear of water. Consequently, the man once suffered from bad conditions has made an admirable sport man due to his strong resolution and endeavor. On the other hand, some assert that natural aptitudes determine a person’s future life since he or she cannot change or develop their characteristics albeit any attempts. A variety of studies conducted by Korea National University for a long time period have revealed that the results of aptitude test, which subjects were participate when they were children have close correlations to work fields in which they engage later. As the researches illustrates, it is evident they the capabilities that people have at an early stage affect substantially their later occupations. <(a little off topic. 미래의 occupation을 결정을 지게되는 내용 보다는 어떤 사람은 특정한 talent을 가지고 태어났다 입니다. 그 반대 의견은 특별히 가지고 태어난 talent 없이 노력만으로 급복할 수 있다 입니다) To sum up, some maintain that constant efforts and enthusiasm toward developing talents transcend genetic endowment, while another popular view is that only those who are given extraordinary skills are able to become respectable celebrities in certain fields. In this regard, as I have witnessed many successful cases of ordinary people, thus, I strongly believe that if anyone is appreciably eager toward developing their career, they would earn enough qualifications regardless of inborn talents.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨는데 세 번째 문단이 조금 off topic해보입니다. 질문이 말하는 inborn talent는 특정한것을 하는 talent인데 세 번째 내용은 그저 사람마다 natural aptitude가 다르기 때문에 그것에 따라 미래가 다르다라고 해주시는 것 같습니다. 이 문단에서는 오히려 specific talent를 가지고 태어난 관점/예시를 써주셔야합니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |