▶ Your Answer : These days, as technology has developed, the Internet is utilized by many people in many various ways. Thanks to this, lots of information is able to be used and is spread widely. <(irrelevant and unnecessary) Among these information, information about environmental protection is informed to many peoples. However, they do not do anything to solve the problems. In this essay, I will explain why people do not do anything involved in it <(in what? what is it?) and how we can encourage them to make a effort in this problem. Most people believe that they are not involved with the in problems of the environment even though they are always exposed to the issues, although they are always exposed to information about environmental problem and protection. People who do not participate in endeavor are likely not to know the ways how they do not make a effort. <(topic sentence과 coherence가 되지 않습니다) To change this situation, governments should know the level of people’s perception about the problem through many ways such as surveys. After then, they should inform how important this environmental protection is and how people can lend a hand to this, utilizing media, which is the most effective way to do so, such as TV ads, Internet ads, news and article. Also, all of teachers who are working in elementary, middle and high schools should teach their students how serious the environment problem is and how we can make an effort to this problem more formally and in detail detailedly in order to make the students feel responsibility about it themselves, using a lot of various effective tools, which is used to educate students, such as educational video, pictures and games. <(too complex and long. 문장을 나눠서 쓰시는 것을 추천합니다) In addition, the role of parents is really important. Parents should always educate their children so naturally as if their children are related to it<(what is it) really closely. In conclusion, people do not know that they have responsibility in environment protection and how they participate in this effort. Therefore, to solve this situation, the role of educating and informing that how they can lend a hand and why they should help to protect environment is really important. Score: 4.5 Comment: 질문을 반만 대답해주셨습니다. 왜 사람들은 환경을 지키는데에 신경을 쓰지않고 계속 신경을 쓰지 않는 쪽을 택하는지에 대해 서술해주셔야합니다. 또한 문법상 틀리시는 곳이 일부 있으십니다. 그 외에는 specificity에 신경을 조금 더 써주시고 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |