With the development of information technology, internet is an essential
thing in our everyday life. We make our communication online and find the
information on the internet. Regarding this innovative technology, many a lot of
people believe this technology has been beneficial to our communication, but
there are some is someone who thinks internet is not the best way to get the
information. Although I strongly believe that internet is a the marvelous
communication mean, I am in the opinion that it is possible the that internet is the best
way to search information, only given if there is a device to make the online
information be true.
The last few decades, communication significantly developed because of the internet. The internet made
the communication in a the way we could not imagine in the past. A good example is
the email to approve us to send and to receive the messages from and to abroad
with a few seconds, and the SNS which is based on the internet, used by various
nationalities communicating with each others. It is evident that we can have
conversations quickly and with whom we could not conceive in the past, thanks to
this technology.
Also, this innovation has given us good methods to get the information or knowledge.
Nearly all information from medical advice, news articles to weather condition,
the time to wait for bus to get on is available on the internet. We could get
almost all conceivable information with just few times of clicks buttons on the
laptop or mobile screen. However, internet has a severe non-reliable feature
that it internet does not require the people who update information online to take
responsibility for what they people update. For example, someone with no medical knowledge may upload information about a cure that is no verified. This can cause others to follow the treatment even though it may not be effective and even harmful, yet no responsibility will be taken by the person who posted the information. Taking an example on the people who have no
proper knowledge on medical, but updating something about medical advice on the
internet, and the one never take the responsibility even in the case that
someone took the pills according to the one’s information has an illness. It
would not be said that the internet is the best way to get the knowledge as
long as this feature still remains.
To
sum up, internet made our communication in an innovative way to for widen and quicken
communication, however there is a severe risk up to say it is the best way to
get the knowledge. Therefore, I believe that it could be said the internet is
the best way only if there would be a device to filter the inaccurate
information.
Score: 6.5
Comment: 내용은 좋다고 생각하지만 어색한 문장이 많습니다. 또한 주로 pronoun이나 전치사에 틀리시고 계십니다. 그 외에는 에세이가 조금 wordy합니다. 거의 400글자수가 되기 때문에 글을 조금 더 summarize하시고 줄이시는 것을 추천합니다. 수고 하셨습니다.