▶ Your Answer :
Due to the technological development, it
enables people to travel to other countries quickly at a speed with a cheaper price. <Need better coherence> As
countries' economic status increases, the tourism becomes popular among the public.
As the tourism industry grows rapidly at rapidity, the dark side of tourism also
increases. There are several disadvantages for the growing tourists such as
environmental damages, crime rates, insufficient facilities and damaging
tourists' places. In This essay will discuss problems caused by tourism,
especially environment and criminal issues among those options listed above.
As the number of tourists increases within
a country, there is a development of facilities is are required. To attract more
tourists, it is natural to provide adequate facilities for tourists. Providing
adequate facilities would mean that, damaging the environments. Building more
hotels, paved roads, public transportation and building a recreation centre can
be seen as the examples for damaging the environment. All those facilities are
required to conduct the degradation of land, logging the trees, and constructing of
pipelines and sewage systems. Therefore, it is an inevitable fact that the
environment shall be destroyed in relation to the tourism increases.
Furthermore, as the tourism boom in a
nation, there will be a possibility of crimes. In the case of Northern Europe,
it is dangerous to travel outside of tourist areas. Since tourists are lacking
knowledge about foreign rules and areas, just like a little lamb in the open
area <(not really necessary), they can be targeted by from criminals. As a result, they will become a
criminal's target and they will have unfortunate tourism experiences.
Unfortunately, it is difficult for the governments to catch all criminals,
because they cannot catch criminals.<(?? 내용이 어색하게 들리는 문장입니다) The police cannot catch the criminals
prior to the action, so the tourists would have already experienced of the
miserable memories by the time the police catches the criminals. Therefore, the
incremental of tourism can increase the unfortunate events relating to crimes.
In conclusion, tourism is supposed to be
fun and relaxing relaxation. People travel to other countries to observe beautiful
scenery and picturesque sites. However, it cannot avoid the fact that the
increasing tourism can increase the crime incidents and the possible damages onto
the earth for the sufficient facilities for tourists cannot be avoided.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 질문에 대한 답이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 문법에 조금 틀리시고 계십니다. 알맞는 단어형태/collocation/전치사 활용/article 사용/문장구조/에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. Silly mistakes로 보이는 부분들도 있기 때문에 글을 쓰신 후 1~2번은 꼭 proofreading을 해주셔서 틀린 부분이나 어색하게 들리는 부분을 고쳐주시기를 바랍니다. 그 외에는 전체적으로 정리를 조금 더 해주시고 summarize를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 일부 내용들이 repetitive하게 들리거나 summarization이 가능합니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |