Your Answer ▼
Of late, one of the most significant
discussions in modern society has been being famous. Regarding this issue, if, on
the one hand, (여기는 쉼표가 세 번이나 쓰일 이유는 없습니다. 쉼표가 불필요하게 남발되면 글을 읽어나가는 흐름이 뚝 끊기게 되므로, 꼭 필요한 경우에만 넣어주세요~) it can be said that there are a range of benefits when people want
to be famous by media such as TV and online, it can also be said that the drawback
of this issue should not be ignored. The purpose of this essay is to examine
both viewpoints with an understandable conclusion.
There are those with a belief that being
famous by media is positive in many aspects. The primary ground that is clear
to see behind their argument is that more and more people are finding it
increasingly possible for them to offer a variety of things which people can enjoy
or kill their time to watch, provided that nowadays everyone could make their
own show with media such as YouTube and Facebook to be famous. Another crucial
element why they believe the contention is that being famous by TV or online is
seen as a great contributory fact in making money easily. (여기를 전후로 흐름이 바뀌므로 적절한 연결어가 들어가야겠죠.) The most compelling evidence
of this that cannot be overlooked is that many famous people on the TV or
online are used to have another job but they quit or work together for online broadcast,
for example one of YouTuber is used to work as a barista and he can earn earned about
$1000 weekly, but after making his own YouTube, he has been earning about $30000
in 3 months so he started work as a barista and YouTube. (문장이 길어도 너무 깁니다. 물론 한국어에 비해서 영어 쪽은 문장의 길이에 관대한 편이긴 하지만, 그래도 여기는 너무 길고 늘어지므로 최소 한 번 정도는 중간에 잘라주셔야 합니다.
From the other standpoint, others are not
content with the aforementioned benefits; they insist that being popular by media
such as TV and online is not only negative but also has disadvantages. Primarily,
anyone can see that this issue is associated with bad media. Such being the
case, it is no exaggeration to say that some people make a dangerous, provocative
and violent video to be famous thus it would be exposed to youngers (~하기 때문에, 즉 인과관계로 이어지는 사항은 아니므로 thus 의 사용은 적절하지 않습니다.). What is also
worth noticing is that this issue is considered to wrong knowledge. From the
point of view, it follows that there are a lot of videos which has a variety of information
on the Internet however all of video which has information is not right knowledge
thus some people believe that the video is true. (위에서는 쉼표가 너무 많아서 문제가 된 반면에 여기의 경우 쉼표가 아예 없어서 글을 읽어나갈 때 어디에서 쉬어가야 하는지가 문제이므로, 적절한 위치에 쉼표를 추가해주세요.)
Without going in circles, I am inclined to
be of the same opinion that I think the benefit is more reasonable than
disadvantage so being popular by media is good (여기는 문장이 조금 꼬였는데 의도해주신 의미를 확인해서 다시 한번 수정해주세요~영작 실력이 좋으신 분인 만큼 충분히 혼자서도 가능하시리라 생각하지만, 혹시 모르시겠으면 댓글 주시면 도와드리겠습니다.) |