▶ Your Answer :
140224 IELTS Writing 캠브릿지8권 Test4 Task1 23분13초
The chart illustrates that how the quantities of products transported in the UK changed in the years 1974 to 2002 by several types of transport.
Firstly, the road is the dominant system throughout over the period. It started at around 70 million tones in 1974. Although with there are some initial fluctuations and decreases between 1990 and 1994, there was an gradual upward trend on the road.>> 우선 문제에서 언급된 road라 the를 붙였습니다 또한 although는 접속사라 완전한 절이 들어가야 합니다
Water and rail were used in similar quantities, with around 40 million tones at first. However, water showed a dramatic increase from 40 million tones at 1978 to just under 60 million tones at 1986. Meanwhile, there was a steady decline on rail to 1985. Water had a stable tendency during 1986 to 1993. After that time, it recorded some decreases, while rail remained fluctuating. Both modes of transport had increases after 1998. >> 오버뷰의 느낌이 나는 부분인데 오버뷰는 디테일 부분보다 먼저 오는 것이 좋습니다 또한 오버뷰는 그냥 1,2,3,4 순위 정도를 언급해주는 것이 좋습니다 그 다음 디테일로 들어가 몇 퍼센트 등 비교해주는 것이 좋습니다
On the other hand, pipeline was an insignificant type at 1974 with just below 10 million tones. However, there were considerable inclines >> it soared during 1978 to 1982 and 1992 to 1995. After peaking at 1995 with over 20 million tones, the pipeline was sustained the stable.
Overall, there were some changes on the four different types of transport in the UK. However, the total degrees on transport were increased during that period.
우선은 디테일 부분이 너무 적었다고 생각됩니다 오버뷰보다 디테일이 많아야 좋습니다 제가 말씀드린 부분에서 실수는 없어서 다행입니다 soar plummet 두 단어는 알아두는 것이 좋습니다 주의하실 점은 위에 두 단어는 대폭 증가 혹은 대폭 하락의 뜻으로 부사를 쓰지 않습니다 ex) soar considerably 라고 쓰지 않습니다 뜻 자체가 엄청나단 것을 내포하기 때문입니다 질문하신 부분에서 import export 는 적절하지 않습니다 국내에서 운반되는 것도 포함될 수 있기 때문입니다 the way of transport 혹은 그냥 transportation 이라고 쓰시면 자체로 운송수단이라는 뜻이기에 괜찮습니다 문제에서 언급된 내용들은 the를 붙여주셔야 합니다 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 드리지만 디테일 부분으로 조금만 손 보시면 6.5 가능하다고 봅니다
|