▶ Your Answer :
Globalization has opened the many doors>> waht doors? for
many people in the world. This trend allows people to move easily to other countries
easily. However, there are some drawbacks against positive effects. Most of all,
immigrants hesitate to assimilate a new community and the environment. They prefer to
go along with neighbors, >> 문장 중간에 수식이 들어간다면 콤마로 나눠주시는게 좋습니다 who came from their homeland, rather than to participate
in new societies. This tendency has bad impacts on both immigrants and new
communities. In this essay, I will illustrate why the problems are serious and
possible solutions to deal wisely >> 부사는 동사 뒤로 가게 해주세요 with the troubles wisely.
To begin with, most immigrants hesitate to
take part in different cultures or customs. In my opinion, this kind of feeling
is somewhat natural, but this phenomenon would arouse immigrants and new communities to
form cliques. Moreover, if immigrants do not adapted to new circumstances, they
may >> if 절의 동사가 현재면 주절의 조동사도 현재가 옵니다 be lonely. According to a survey conducted by some researching groups,
people who came from other cultures are more likely to commit crimes such as a
rape, stealing, and some violent behaviors. 30% of immigrants who do not adapt
to new communities well did violence during the last 5 years.
Therefore, we need some actions to protect
both immigrants and native citizens. Firstly, the government should operate
various kinds of programs which immigrants are easy to participate in. In addition to this, both immigrants and
native people should make an effort to help each other. When I was young, I had lived in France for
2 years. It was very hard time for me to endure. It’s >> it is 라고 완전히 풀어서 써주세요 because I could not speak
any other languages >> any other 단수명사 입니다, except Korean. I was considerably lonely at that time.
In conclusion, problems, which are related
to moving oversea, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 have become serious. I mentioned two of the most serious
problems and also provide some possible solutions to handle these dilemmas. I think
that these solutions would be effective.
우선 I think 라는 식의 표현보단 in my opinion 등의 표현이 더욱 좋습니다 문법적인 실수가 콤마나 수일치 축약 등에서 비롯됩니다 좀 더 다양한 표현법을 사용해주시길 바랍니다 do not adapt ~~ 이런 형태의 문장이 본문 1에서 보여서 문장의 표현력과 단어 사용의 한계가 보여집니다 possible solutions 부분이 너무 모호합니다 프로그램이 어떤 것을 제공해서 어떤 부분에 도움을 주고 등등이 어느정도 이해가 가능하게 설명이 들어가고 해야 할 듯 싶습니다 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다
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