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People have different opinions on whether or not it is valuable to young people travelling other countries. For this reason, it is generally acknowledged that the issue of value of travelling to overseas has become controversal in the course of time. Some people assert that young people waste a plenty of time and money to travel abroad. However, I strongly believe that it is worthy to young people those who want to travel abroad. In this essay, both viewpoints will be discussed in detail with appropriate supports.
On the one hand, young people tend to travel overseas to learn and experience other cultures. According to the research conducted by Korean University Research Centre, over two thirds of university students, who have an experience travelling overseas, >> 중간 수식절 앞 뒤 콤마 넣어주세요 responded that it is very valuable to learn and experience other countries's cultures. The majority of students said that it was useful time to communicate with local people and understand their lifetyles, >> while 다음은 완전한 절입니다 while travelling abroad. Furthermore, that leads young people to have a job opportunity in foreign countries. In this sense, young people would like to travel overseas to enlarge their experience or improve their knowledge.
On the other hand, the opponents insist that travelling abroad wastes too much time and money for the young. For instance, one of my friends planned to go overseas but he could not receive financial supports from his parents. To save money, he started a part-time job during the school session. He just concentrated on saving money rather than his study. As a result, he could not gain enough academic credits from the examination. Moreover, he spent a lot of money to buy items for travelling and spent all money for tour, flight and accommodation. In this regard, travelling overseas has a negativen aspects for young people by seizing>> 이 단어를 표현하고 싶으셨던 건가요? their precious time and money.
In conclusion, it is a good opportunity for young people to visit other countries and they can gain the value of travelling. However, it could also have a drawbacks to young people who have insufficient finance by causing waste of time and expense. However, I strongly believe that having experience in foreign countries is more valuable towards their future job and widen their knowledge.
비슷한 말의 반복이 느껴집니다 또한 계속 앞에 했던 얘기를 뒤에서도 수식하려는 것이 보이네요 그러지 않으시는 것이 더욱 좋습니다 또한 계속 travelling 이란 단어만 사용하셔서 어휘에서 약점이 크게 노출되었습니다 다른 부분도 그렇구요 기본 문법 (수일치 단복수동사) 에서 많은 실수가 보였습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |