▶ Your Answer :
The graphs illustrate
the number of total fertility and infant mortality from 1970 to 1992.>> 문제의 핵심 키워드를 그대로 인용하셨네요
First of all, in
high income economies, the number of births per woman was 2.5 in 1970, which decreased
slightly in 1992,>> 콤마 빼주세요 to 2. On the other hand, the figure of that in low income
economies decreased rapidly from 6 to 3.5 during the period. The gap of the
number of total fertility between high income and low income economies was about
3.5 in 1970, while that figure decreased continuously and reached 1.5 in 1992.
Turning to the
second graph, the number of deaths per 1,000 live births in low income
economies was about 110 in 1970, which decreased by 90 to 60 >> by 나 to 중에 하나만 써주세요 in 1992. In high-income
economies, the gap of that figure between 1970 and 1992 was just more or less 10.
The number of that figure in high-income economies was a seventh as little as low-income
economies.
To sum up, wealthy
countries have smaller figures in fertility and infant mortality than low
income countries. This gap, however, dropped steadily between 1970 and 1992.
오버뷰는 적었지만 디테일 부분과 비교 부분은 좋았습니다 하지만 아쉬운건 단위가 있었으면 합니다 two people two babies 등 단위를 붙였으면 좋겠습니다 또한 비슷한 문장의 반복은 아쉬웠지만 그래도 연속적인 부분을 제외하고 따로 단락별로 본다면 어느정도 괜찮은 문법들이 쓰였다고 봅니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.5 예상합니다
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