▶ Topic :
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The illustrations
show how chocolate is produced.
Summarize the
information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons
where relevant.
Write
at least 150 words.
<그림 대신> 1) cacao tree - ripe red pods , grown in S.America, Africa, Indonesia 2) pods harvested - white cocoa beans 3) beans fermented 4) spread in sun to dry 5) put in large sacks 6) transporated by train or lorry 7) taken to factory 8) beans roasted 9) beans crushed - outer shell removed 10) inner part pressed - liquid chocolate produced
The diagram shows procedures of making chocolate chocolate making
procedures in , consisting of 10 steps in details. We can learn >> learn what? through these
pictures that the process is not that simple.
To begin with, cacao trees are grew up grow up 은 사람한테만 씁니다 in
South America, Africa, >> 세 개 이상 나열의 마지막엔 콤마를 넣습니다 and Indonesia region. The ripen red pods germinating from
the trees have lots of >> lots of 는 구어입니다 a lot of 라고 해주세요 white colored beans inside,>>콤마 빼주세요 and this pot will be a real
raw material of chocolate. After these beans are fermented, they should be dried
under the sun-light . 문장은 끝입니다 이어주는 접속사가 없어서요 When this stage then is to complete, let us move on the other manufacturing
site After this, the cacao beans that are packed in large
sacks are transported by using vehicles or lorry. When the transporting team
is arrived at the factory, the material is eventually time to be roasted. 이미 when 절로 문장이 두 개가 쓰였기에 지루함을 피하기 위해 따로 분리시켜줍니다 but However,
we should be pay attention to that the beans must be baked under at 350 degrees. We
did not forget that the beans are not yet broken >> 무슨 말인지 모르겠습니다 문맥상. To draw out the real core of the
chocolate, these beans have to be split. Therefore, the shell is crushed by
the specific machine because the shell is very hard >> shell 이 강하단게 문제에 나왔나요? 나왔다면 the shell is hard to split, so the machine crush it..
At the end of the whole process to obtain
chocolate, the ingredients that were manufactured by the former 9 steps should be passed
through another machine. and Next, it makes the materials liquid by using pressure
machine. This process is the last one to be prepared to produce our sweet
chocolate.
문장이 어색한 부분들이 갑자기 문맥과는 맞지 않는 듯한 부분 불필요한 부분이 많았습니다 shall 은 요즘 보통 쓰지 않는 단어이구요 객관적인 시선으로 작성해야 하기에 we 등은 쓰지 않습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다
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