▶ Your Answer :
There are mixed opinions on whether or not
punishment for each type of crime should be fixed. In this regard, it is
asserted that a motivation or circumstances of a crime need to be considered
when a judge declares a person guilty, especially when it comes to juvenile
delinquency and domestic violence. Both views will be discussed below as well
as my personal opinion regarding this issue.
On the one hand, a large number of
offenders can exploit the flexible punishment system. For instance, if the
penalty is diminished when the criminal has a is having mental-disorder or is showing
repentance, the shrewd man would try to deceive the jury or a judge, making a false
statement. As an example clearly illustrates, it will be quite difficult to
pass a fair judgment due to a culprit’s attempt for extenuation of his or her
crime.
On the other hand, certain types of offense
mainly occur on impulse and most of these are transitory. To be specific, unlike adult
who fully established their perspectives, children are susceptible to the influences
of their peers. Thus, youngsters tend to become inadvertently involved in
delinquency. Furthermore, in the case of domestic violence, the crimes are more
likely to be so emotional, and impulsive that a substantial number of victims do
not truly desire truly their family member to be punished severely. Therefore, in
terms of some cases, such as juvenile delinquency and family violence and so
on, they should be judged considering a criminal’s motivation or circumstances.
To sum up, due to some felon’s abuse of
adjustable punishment law, it is often claimed that all criminals who commit the a same
crime should be sentenced with the penalty in the same way. However, as far as I concerned,
these penalties are extremely harsh and cruel for a teenager who still needs to
be instructed. Also, a criminal of domestic offense should be penalized in
consideration of the extenuating circumstances and the victim’s statements. <(결론이 clear하지 않습니다)
Score: 7 Comment: body paragraph의 topic sentence를 상황이 아니라 관점을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 상황만 이야기해서는 어떤 관점을 support하는지 clear하지 않게 들리수가 있습니다. 예를 들어 '한편으로 fixed punishment가 필요한 이유는 이러한 사람이있어 이러한 상황이 있을 수 있기 때문이다. 그렇다면 judgement가 fair하지 않는 경우가 있을 수 있다' 라고 해주심ㄴ 될 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 concluding하는데에 신경을 조금 더 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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