▶ Your Answer :
Since the world became a competitive market, people can
get more stressed with competing to being compete each other, and as a result some they release
those stresses by smoking. This issue became an the worldwide issue as the number
of smokers is increasing every year. This is a growing concern, because the
increasing smoker's rates means more costs would have to be spent related to
their health. There are various ways to solve such issue, but the primary
approach should discourage smokers to smoke.
The increasing number of smokers globally is becoming the
biggest concern due to financial reasons. A stroke, cancer, ulcer, heart
diseases and eye diseases are the foreseeable consequences from smoking, and
those would require a long period cure. All these terrifying long term treatment
required diseases would be occurring to the smokers as well as non-smokers.
Even though the government benefits are improved, it cannot cover all the
treatment costs. In order to provide the services and treatment, the government
can put more pressure in the form of taxes. Therefore, the money to spend on
treating smoking related diseases would be increased as the number of smokers
increase. <(non-smokers에 대한 문제를 조금 더 elaborate 해주시거나 강조를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. non-smokers도 건강이 해롭게된다는것도 또 다른 하나의 문제점이 될 수 있다고 생각합니다_)
To solve this issue, the primary approaches should do is
to discourage the smokers from smoking. Despite many other ways to reduce the
number of smokers, to smoke such as increasing smoking booths <(이 내용은 smoking을 encourage하는 내용인 것 같습니다) and putting warning signs
on cigarettes, these approaches have failed to discourage smokers. The
government can ban smoking advertisements and can educate citizens from the
early as possible about the consequences of smoking, as well as the government
can put a restriction on the amount of cigarette sales to the cigar companies.
Therefore, this issue should be dealt by every possible methods, because
solving with one approach will not solve be solving this problem.
In conclusion, there is a growing concern about the
number of smokers are increasing globally. The biggest concern is the financial issue since the treatment for all individuals would be costly. Therefore, to solve
this issue the primary method would be to discourage smokers to smoke, and which
can be achieved by various approaches by the government.
Score: 7.5 Comment: 두 질문에 대한 답이 아주 좋다고 생각합니다. 글쓰시는데에도 크게 문제가 없어 보이십니다. 주오 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
|