▶ Your Answer :
Studying
alone or within a group is a mere choice for people. In my perspective,
studying in a group would be more advantageous, because this can broaden
students' horizon and be able to have logical and critical thinking <(this is able to have logical and critical thinking은 어색하게 들립니다. 무엇이/누가 logical and critical thinking을 가질수 있는지 clarify/specify 해주셔야합니다). This essay will discuss about those reasons to support my arguments.
Studying
within a group can enhance students' logical and critical thinking skills.
Studying in a group can provide the opportunities to share one's own ideas by use of
their experiences and use of their own explanation. This could encourage
students to observe other people's person's perspectives and to be able to broaden their
horizon. Therefore, students can get the application of the theories and it can be
used in the real life. <(topic sentence와 문단의 내용을 조금 더 연결을 시켜주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
Further
to this, studying in a group could mean that it is similar to having open
discussions. During the discussions, students may have to involve of share their ideas and teach others of their understandings, and which enable students to
understand the full concept of the topic. Students also can figure out their
weakness and strengths for each topic of subjects, and this can be covered by
sharing opinions with other peer groups. By listening the discussions, they
will be able to understand the concept <(repetitive) and will be able to form their own argument.
In other words, thinking critically and logically would form the claims.
In
conclusion, studying in a group provides several advantages to students. This
would be enabling them to think critically, and logically and allowing them would be able to
share their ideas by covering up their weaknesses <(little unclear).
Score: 6 Comment: Overall 내용은 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 organization이 잘 안되어있는 것 같습니다. 내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시고 coherence에 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 문장구조와 표현에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 더 다양한 표현/cohesive device를 사용해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 주정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다!. |