▶ Your Answer :
Certainly, 'playing' itself has a crucial role in many of the children. Some people might say that
playing by using device like computers or video games is better than playing with
toys or playing outside, while others do not agree on this idea. Both sides may have their own
reasons to support their views. If I had to select one, I would say that the
children who play with toys and go outside to play with their friends are more
likely to be better than those who do not. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, if children go outside and play
with their friends, they can develop their social ability. When they play with
their friends, they should communicate with others and try to understand their
emotion, and this can be a positive effect to the growing children rather than the
children who just use technology devices in their houses. (문장 앞에 And 사용 지양해주세요.) For instance, when
my sister was in her elementary school, she was in her house and played the
computer games all day long. This made her life unhealthy and anti-social because she did not work out at all and never played with her friends. In the next semester,
I suggested her to go outside and play with her friends not just play the game
in house. Since she accepted my advice, it helped her to develop social skills.
If she played games all day long as she was in elementary school, she could not develop her social ability, and this might be a problem in her life.
- 구체적으로 어떤 social ability/skill을 어떻게 (playing을 통해) 얻을 수 있는지에 대해 내용을 작성해주세요. (예 - 새로운 친구를 실제로 사귀고 소통하며 갈등 해결법 등을 학습)
Secondly,
it can help children to become healthier than children who just relax at home and play
technology devices to entertain themselves. When the children play with their friends, they could play
soccer, basketball, or hide-and-seek. These activities can improve their bodies. For
example, according to a study conducted by Stanford University, there was a
huge difference between two groups of children. One group was made up of those
who depend on devices like smartphones and computers, while the other group was consisted of those who played with their friends and simpler toys. The
researchers found that the latter was more likely to have a healthier body than
the former. This implies that playing with toys and going outside to play friends
is the key to have a healthier body for children. ("다양한 outdoor activity 는 근육을 발달시켜주고 이를 통해 면역력이 향상된다" 등의 detail을 보충해주세요) All things considered, the advantages of simpler toys and going outside
far outweigh those who depend on computers and smartphones for the reasons I
have mentioned above.
Task Achievement
|
Coherence and Cohesion
|
Lexical Resource
|
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
|
TOTAL
|
7
|
7
|
6
|
6
|
6.5
|
|