In this day and age, some say that public libraries are not essential anymore; However, others disagree with this statement. In this essay, I will discuss both ideas and suggest my own opinion.
On the one hand, there are those who argue that public libraries are not needed. The one One of the main reasons is the development of technology. In other words, most people have their own electronic equipment which enables them to read books they want. To illustrate, workers are too busy to go to a library to read and borrow books they are interested in. However/In contrast, By using electronic devices such as mobile phones, computers and tablets, they can either purchase or (구입하면서 동시에 대여를 할 수는 없죠.) and borrow books easily and quickly. Therefore, they do not need to spend much time to visit for visiting libraries and thus public libraries are no longer necessary.
On the other hand, some individuals believe that public libraries are essential because of the fact that they it provides various activities to residents living in towns or villages. Public libraries have provided activities for those who visit there. (앞서 했던 말을 그대로 반복하는 것에 지나지 않습니다.) For example, some Some libraries have held many events relating to best-selling books like meetings with authors, seminars for local people or book making for kids. Thus, there can have positive influences on their lives. (추후 총평에서 내용 보충과 관련해서 말씀드릴 건데, 이 부분에서 어떠한 긍정적인 영향을 주는지 적는 것도 내용 보충의 한 방법입니다.)
In conclusion, it seems that there are both positives and negatives about the necessity necessary of the public libraries. In my opinion, I strongly disagree that the public libraries are not necessary. This is because the public libraries could bring positive impacts for their local residents. (그 영향이 무엇인지에 대해 적어주세요.)
총평: 현재 내용이 절대 많다고 볼 수는 없기 때문에, 각 주장에 대한 근거를 양/질적으로 보충해주셔야 해요. 또한 앞서 했던 말을 그대로 반복하게 될 경우 채점관들한테 '이 수험생은 쓸 말이 없어서 저렇게 작성했구나' 라는 인식을 줄 수 있으므로 주의해주셔야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)