In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?
In worldwide, there is a growing tendency that small and individual family units are replacing large and extended family units. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with this trend while there are some positive impacts that can be found.
First of all, this trend will be going to change our society to a more democratic way. In the past, the will of an individual person was easily neglected due to the culture that stresses the will of many. This type of group culture was cultivated from the large sized family units. In the large family, the opinion of a single family member cannot overcome the general trend of entire family lead by the eldest family leader. Accordingly, the society, which was the sum of millions of families around the country operated in the same way. However, in the new trend, individual families are going to learn the discussions and negotiations rather than obey and rule. Thus, new generations will open the new era with tons of (구어에 속하는 표현이라 웬만하면 수정해주시는 게 좋습니다. 록시님 정도 실력이면 이것보다 더 나은 표현을 사용할 수 있으실 거고요.) just questions and right answers that can deliver individual will of society members in a democratic way.
Secondly, housing problems can be minimized according to the advent of this trend. Many modern cities are suffering from the housing problems due to the limited land for new houses in the city. Thus, newly built houses are forced to be built in small sized houses suitable for small family units rather than big and spacious houses that require more land. In this situation, large family units will suffer from housing problem for the limited number of big houses in the city. However, small and individual family units can easily find suitable houses for them compared to extended family units. In this regard, this new trend can partly solve the housing problems emerging in the big cities.
In conclusion, the advent of small and individual family units will going to change the culture of our society in a good way not the mention the positive impact that it has on the housing problems in the cities. Thus, there is no reason for us to oppose this trend.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
잘 써주셨습니다. 특별히 따로 드릴 말씀이 없어서, 대신 여기서 안정적인 7.5 이상을 위한 팁을 하나 드릴게요.
기본적으로 고득점대에서는 연결어 사용을 최소한으로 줄이는 게 좋습니다. 대신, 그냥 문장 내에서 연결어만 지우는 게 아니라, 연결어 없이도 문장 간 연결이 매끄럽게 이루어지도록 연습해보세요! (모범답안을 참고해보시면 대략 어떤 느낌인지 파악하실 수 있을 겁니다.) 수고하셨습니다 :)