Some people assume that artists have to be supported by the governments while the others argue that they should be funded by alternative sources should be funded. These views have both advantages and disadvantages, however i personally assume alternative sources that they should be funded by alternative sources (앞부분도 그렇고, 이 부분의 경우도 기존처럼 쓰게 되면, '다른 소스로부터 지원을 받아야한다' 의 의미가 아니라 '다른 형식의 지원을 받아야 한다' 라는 의미가 되어버립니다.).
It is fact that people who are artists as their job are hard to make money enough to sustain their lives. If they once become famous, they will absolutely earn both fame and wealth, however, they are generally struggled generally struggle by the economical factors. For instance, there are already a lot of talented people to the music or art industry over the world, but they gave up to continue their dream due to the money. so (여기는 대소문자를 떠나서, 문장을 and but so 로 시작하는 것은 별로 좋지 못합니다.) if the governments provide them financial help, these artists can focus on their work. Possibly, the nations will have more number of greater artists than right now.
On the other hands, I personally assume that there are more negatives negativity. First, the standard of the people who are artists as their job is actually not certain because they are usually not officially hired or belonged to any corporations or governments. Moreover, from the perspective of the society, practically, artists are not that productive for the economy. Artist is a kind of job for the entertainment for the people, however, if these people are multiplied too much, it will possibly affect the national economy negatively. (이 문단은 내용상 살짝 수정되어야 하는데, 여기에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
In conclusion, providing the economical support from the government to the artists can make people who have a dream of being artist continue their dream, nevertheless, I i assume that the standard of people choosing artist as their job is not too certain, and it can also affect the national economy negatively. (그렇기 때문에 정부의 지원은 필요하지 않고, 다른 주체로부터의 지원만 받으면 된다. 라는 문장으로 마무리해주시면 됩니다.)