The two charts give
information concerning what high school students want to become when they grow older are
adults. Overall, it is clear that students’ dream jobs tend to be dictated by
gender. The highest rate of male students’ dream job was seen in doctors. In contrast However,
approximately one quarters of female students aspired to become teachers, which was the highest in this gender.
One of the most notable
things is that a higher percentage of male students aspired to become doctors
and athletes than females. These figures were 32% and 21%, respectively, but while these
figures of female students were 8% and 5%, respectively. On the other hand, the
two highest responses that female students gave want to become were a dentist and
lawyer. These figures were 23% and 21%, respectively.
It is also noteworthy that answers between male students were concentrated while female students’ answers were less concentrated. (아주 좋은 분석입니다. 대신, 여기의 경우 남학생들 쪽이 '어디에 집중되었는지' 까지 적어주시면 금상첨화입니다.) Lastly, it is evident that most of students selected their dream jobs in the chart because only 3% of men and 5% of women recorded a section of other.
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
제가 in contrast, 그리고 while로 바꿔드린 것과 관해서 기존의 however 그리고 but을 넣은채로 각각 한국어로 바꿔보시고, 그 다음에 in contrast/while을 넣은채로 한국어로 바꿔보신다음에 둘이 비교하면 왜 바꿔야하는지 금방 감을 잡으실 수 있을 겁니다.
참고로, task1 표 문제나 지도 문제에서는 However, but 등이 깔끔하게 들어가는 경우는 거의 없다고 보시면 됩니다. 고로 아예 가용 어휘에서 빼는 것도 괜찮아요. 수고하셨습니다 :)
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