> > 2009-09-03 11:33:57, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ You should spend about 40 minutes on this task ■ Present a written argument or case to an educated reader no special knowledge of?the?following topic ■ You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant ???evidence ■ You should write at least 250 words | |
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Topic : Smoking should be banned in public places according to the recent research.
Give reasons and evidence to support your ideas. | |
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Nowadays, more people have been interested in some problems related to their health since they people pursue happiness in life. Therefore, lots of people insisted that smoking should be prohibited for smokers and others in public areas. I agree with the statement and in this essay, I will consider several reasons of for the idea.
First of all, smoking is harmful to smokers as well asand other people,. we call second hand smoker. Just being adjacent to the smokers, people can suffer from second hand smoking. Many research have shown that passive smoking can cause smokers could have more serious diseases such as lung cancer and laryngeal cancer. Besides, this kind smoking is extremely harmful to pregnant women person and children who are in vulnerable condition stay near by smokers. Accordingly, many passive smokers can be physical and psychological victim of smoking.(심리적으로 해롭다는 증거가 제시 되지 않았습니다. 오히려 마지막 문장이 흡연은 흡연을 하지 않는 사람들에게까지 나쁜 영향을 끼친다. 를 강조했으면 더 효과적일 것 같습니다.)
Young people may think smoking is can be acceptable as they see many adults smoking. To tell the truth, many children are exposed to a smoking environment when their parents smoke. It is bad to their health and it is not a good example for the children. (부차적인 설명이 필요합니다. 공공장소에서 흡연을 하는 모습을 본 아이들은 따라서 흡연을 하게 된다. 라고 확실히 강조해 주셔야합니다.)
Finally, smoking results in processes environmental problems and wasting money. Many smokers throw away their cigarette butts to public areas such as roads and benches. It is not good for environment. In addition, a large amount of money is spent to cure diseases caused by smoking. Also, some people waste their money on buying cigarettes individually. (돈 낭비 부분은 환경적인 면과 관련이 없으므로 아예 따로 문단을 나눠주는 것이 적합합니다. 저는 자그마한 이유를 여러가지 대는 것보다, 두세가지 이유를 확실히, 근거를 뒷받침해주면서 주장하는 것을 추천합니다.)
To sum up, I agree smoking should be banned in public areas. The reasons why I agree are because smoking is harmful to everybody, especially many innocent people, physically and mentally. Also, smoking caused environmental problems and wasting money. (좀더 설명 추가가 필요합니다. 공공장소에서 흡연을 하지 않는다면 이런 문제점들이 감소할 것이다 라는 식으로 끝맺으면 좋을 것 같습니다.) | |
harmful for/to = detrimental to
+ : 문장이 간단 명료합니다. 정확히 뜻이 전달 됩니다.
- : 문제는 "공공장소"에서 "흡연" 을 금지 시키는데에 동의 합니까? 였습니다.
제시된 근거는 "흡연" 은 좋지 않다 에 치중되어있습니다.
왜 "공공장소" 에서 흡연을 금지시켜야 하는지를 써주셔야 할 것 같습니다.