Modern life style brings >> 3인칭 단수형으로 고쳐주세요 people to be getting >> become 으로 고쳐주세요 get 동사는 좋지 않습니다 너무 많은 뜻을 내포하고 있습니다 far in the >> 어떤 가족인지 모르기에 추상적인 개념인 family로 관사를 붙이지 않습니다 family nowadays. Because >> 문두에 because를 쓰지 않습니다 it is because, that is because 등의 식으로 써주세요 또한 because는 접속사로 주절이 나와야 합니다 앞이나 뒤의 문장과 콤마로 이어지게 해야합니다 글의 문맥 상 앞 문장과 콤마로 이어지게 해주세요, normally, they are busy every days. For example, they work for a long time for money. It can make people to be comfortable like >> like 은 구어에 가깝습니다 such as로 써주세요 having a nicer car or for high position job. However, some people know this problem, >> 접속사 앞 콤마 써주세요 but they can not>> cannot은 붙여씁니다 solve this,>> 접속사절은 앞에 콤마를 씁니다 as if bad hobby>> as if 다음 완전한 절이 나와야 합니다 또한 뒤에 나오는 in 은 i 를 대문자로 써서 새로운 문장을 시작해주세요 essay 다음 콤마도 넣으셔야합니다 in this essay I will say some reasons >> 수일치해주세요 with solutions.
The main reason is that generally citizens have so much stress from work places or hard studying and
so on. Accordingly, they want to solve these by self>> they가 주어이므로 themselves. Furthermore, if someone helps >> someone은 단수로 봐주세요 him or her, they can be shy or more angry because of>> because 앞에 콤마를 넣어야하고 because of 다음은 명사가 들어가야합니다 they do not want show anyone there>> ~들의를 나타낼 땐 their 입니다 weak point and they worry about lost>> they are worried about losing 으로 바꿔주세요 confidence finally , they would like to solve this alone.
Secondly, they are miss understood>> 오해하다의 과거형은 misunderstood입니다 이게 동사이므로 are 을 없애주세요 that when they do something like>> such as로 써주세요 study or playing the game at that time , they do not like anyone to join there time>> there 이 아닌 their 입니다 앞에 이어주는 접속사 없이 나란히 완전한 문장이 올 수 없습니다 so 를 붙여주세요. Even though, for helping or caring them with food or advices>> 복수형태로 써주세요. this happening is common in children. Moreover , they think this is not important for themselves to become a good father. They can not to>> they cannot be 로 바꿔주세요 조동사 다음은 동사가 와야하고 can과 not은 붙여씁니다 또한 맨 뒤에 hardly는 be 뒤에 써주세요 부사는 동사 뒤에 위치합니다 close with any family member hardly.
There are some solutions>> 가산명사는 수를 맞춰주세요 is 를 지웠습니다 that if they make different kinds of gathering in the house like>such as playing the
easy game or traditional game , cooking and to go >> cooking 과 병렬로 going으로 써주시고 going to a trip trip are a lot of solutions which >> 수일치와 which 넣어드렸습니다 can make family to be close
again.
In my opinion, If someone starts to make it like>such as father.Maybe, >> 부사가 문두에 오면 콤마를 해주세요 others will follow him for enjoying times.
Moreover, they already hope to do it . so>> so also and but or 는 문두에 쓸 수 없습니다 we should do that right now.
실수가 상당히 잦습니다 표시해드린 부분 보시고 다른 에세이들 보면서 감을 익히시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement – 6
Coherence and Cohesion – 5
Lexical Resources – 5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy – 4
5.0 예상합니다