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It has suggested that the best place is to study group of community>> the best place to study about being a good member is school 정도로 쓰셔서 뒤에 오는 내용과 상반되는 모습을 보여주시길 바랍니다, while some people think that children should be instructed this social study by parents. Both arguments may affect children`s education for communal society To begin with, scores of people may concur with this argument that a child should attend to preschool>> 가운데 - 빼주세요 그러면 유치원 혹은 유아원이란 뜻이 됩니다 or primary school to be mature for down the road >> expression 식의 표현은 안 하시는 것이 좋습니다 명확하게 써주시길 바랍니다. This argument may be true that a myriad of children may have an opportunity for learning social education from a good teacher and knowledgeable books. This is indispensable to them. This is because,>> 콤마 빼주시길 바랍니다 the elementary school or kindergarten may be equivalent to communicable lives >> 무슨 뜻인지 모르겠네요 댓글로 남겨주시면 감사드리겠습니다 such as society and community. So>> 문두에 so also but and or 는 쓰지 않습니다, a large number of children may savor a practical experience in the company of friends and teachers.>> from their companies or teachers 라고 하는 것들이 좋겠네요 On the other hand, there are against these arguments that all parents endeavor to nurture their sons in order to grow up as to adjusting>> as to 뒤에 명사가 와야합니다 hard societies, and support ceaselessly informative advices to their children. Here is a hypothetical example, we can imagine that our parents will never betray and provide prerequisite precepts to us for the >> past present future 은 the를 써줍니다 future. As a result, most children may be better able to improve for society even with talents and skills. I personally think that there are pros and cons on these arguments. I am inclined to favor that pupils should be taught by their parents, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 because essential and instructive education are derived from one`s parents. In conclusion, people cannot judge which arguments be more clever or not. First and foremost, a number of children have to be indicated as to be a good member of society
이번에도 결론 위에 짧은 문장이 한 paragraph를 차지하네요 이런 상황은 좋지 않습니다 4개의 단락으로 에세이로 구성해주는 것이 좋습니다 의견을 결론에 문맥에 맞게 붙여주시면 됩니다 문제를 읽고 결론을 읽어보시면 라이팅 방향이 잘못된 부분을 알 수 있으실겁니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다 268 words
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