▶ Your Answer :
According to the advent of modern industry and the Internet, some
appliances have been essential factors for human's life. People can enjoy comfortably their
living comfortable and obtain a variety of information from some electronics products
such as TVs >> 티비는 어쩌구저쩌구다 할 때의 일반적인 개념의 티비가 아니면 보통 셀 수 있게 복수처리 합니다 and computers. However, even though it is very helpful to a person's growth,
there are also some negative influences on immature children.>> 어떤 성장에 도움을 주죠?
It is obviously true that there is no one who does not have
any contacts with information equipments during a day. Those things - television,
laptop and smart phone- provide diverse data regarding other cultures, social
issues, education, and so forth. Youth young people can experience indirectly the
snippets, which they have never seen and learned, and 문장이 깁니다 . Moreover, 로 바꿔주세요 it brings about to improve improvements on
their level of knowledge. Through this progress, they could decide efficiently their future and pathway
efficiently, and that results in the growth of mental with self development.
On the contrary, these intelligent goods also can impact badly to
minors' psychological state. In these days, many broadcasting stations produce a
number of programs, including violence
and inappropriate parts to young people. Although their parents restrict their
watching, it is not enough to prevent children's curiosity. The exposure of
improper information can ruin their lives since they are not too >> too to 는 부정적인 어법입니다 여기선 부정적인 표현이 아닌 그냥 성숙하지 않아서 그렇게 됐다라는 식으로 쓰는게 어울립니다 mature to
choice right conditions. Actually, according to the reports, in terms of
juvenile delinquency, the indiscriminate reaching of fallacious data causes
children to be violent and abusive.
To sum up, no one disagrees with that TVs and modern
electronic products support people's mentality and progress. Nevertheless, it is
not does not always have good points for humanity, especially for youth. It is because they are not
have sufficiently mature maturity yet. Thus, adults should manage and help their boys and girls
to choose some adequate contents. 빨간 부분 잘 봐주시구요 문법에서 오류가 많이 나는 곳은 콤마, 수일치 정도네요 고치기 쉬운 부분이니 잘 봐주시기 바랍니다 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다
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