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The flow chart graph indicates some procedures about how artwork stamps is chosen by the Hong Kong post office for its stamps >>작성하신 문단에서 최대한 고치려 하니 문제와 비슷해졌네요 다른 방법으로 생각해보셔도 좋겠네요 . It is clear that there are eight distinct stages in this process, from the initial invitation of suggestions for ideas to the eventual sending for printing>> 파란 부분 지워주세요 이미 어떤 과정을 보여준다고 해서 굳이 더 세부적인 내용은 표시할 필요 없습니다.
At the first stage To begin with, in the selecting stamps process, ideas of suggestions are invited from district councils, tourist associations, and governmental departments. These ideas are transferred to stamp advisory committee to elect determine 6 to 8 themes for artists to work. Next, the ideas are seperated whether either the artists are amateur or professional.
Stages five to seven of the process are different each. On the one hand, if the committee elected pick the an amateur artist of amateur in artwork, committee the board will holds the competition to choose the best one of them. On the other Otherwise, when providing that they picked up the professional artists, the committee will commissions permit three artists to submit designs. And then, the artist of best proposal is asked for working on detailed design. Following this, the final artwork is sent to Secretary for Home Affairs for endorsement. Finally, the artworks, which are lastly chosen on this process, is delivered to print.
글로는 너무 복잡하게 위에 이상하게 //// 이렇게 되어 있어서 이해하기 어려워서 글을 읽어봤습니다 우선 글만 봐도 어느정도 이해가 되야 하는데 좀 난잡한 기억이 있네요 세 번째 단락에서 부사가 너무 쓰여서 문단을 바꿔야 할 부사들이 그냥 쓰였습니다 세 번째 단락의 처음부터 잘 나눠서 설명했음이 어떨까 생각합니다 쉬운 단어들마저 모두 계속 같은 걸로 썼습니다 artist 는 performer 등으로 충분히 대체가 가능합니다 혹은 painter 도 가능하겠구요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다 |