▶ Your Answer :
There is an opinion that due to the increasing fame of internet
based newspaper, most of people in the near future are likely to gain
information from newspapers. And it is quite convincing if we consider both a
great capability that the internet can provide and surging proportion of
internet based newspapers compared to off-line only newspapers. <(thesis statement가 필요합니다) (Need better transition)
However, we can also face the criticism on
this trend that there is a are great amount of other sources of information beyond
newspapers in the online world. Actually, alternative media like Facebook, Twitter and Youtube are providing a flood bunch of information to us that old and
traditional information sources such as newspapers were was not able to provide
based on a mutual interaction with the viewer and readers including the off-bureaucratic
system. We can easily see that these media are having persuasive strong points
like faster reporting, guest friendly atmosphere, and being trendy. <(전 문단과 흐름이 좋지 않습니다.)
But, the
fundamental ground that newspapers have been built will not perish at once. As I
mentioned above, we are living in a flood of information. Among waving
information, many people are gradually seeking the valuables without distortion
or off-standard. In this regard, a virtue that information providers are
required is professionalism. Thus, newspapers with neat and effective reporting
system holding highly trained professionals are expected to maintain their quality
which will make a difference from other media. Furthermore, major newspaper
companies in nowadays are moving fast to keep up with a trend by launching
on-line based services to hold its readers.
In conclusion, it is true that due to the
development of internet, a lot of new information sources were born. However,
newspapers holding its traditional professionalism in one hand and crunching the an
internet to face a changing trend in another hand are expected to be a major
source of information to a lot of people as they were until now.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 질문이 clear하지 않으며 질문에 대한 답이 clear하지 않습니다. 또한 에세이 안에 흐름이 좋지 않습니다. 그렇기 때문에 어떤 내용을 전달하고자 하는지 조금 헷갈리게 들립니다. 질문이 말하는 newspaper는 종이로 된 신문지를 말을 하는건지 web based newspaper를 말하는 건지 잘 모르겠습니다. 그렇기 때문에 인터넷으로 정보를 더 얻기 때문에 신문이 major source가 된다는 점은 조금 어색하게 들립니다. 그리고 글쓴이의 주장/질문에 대한 답은 introduction에 나와야 합니다. 글쓴이의 주장을 state 해주시고 body내용을 글쓴이의 주장을 reasoning/supporting해주시면 됩니다. 내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시고 reasoning을 조금 더 clarify 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.또한 informal 한 표현을 쓰시고 계십니다. formal 한 표현을 조금 더 공부하시면 글쓰는데에 도움이 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |