▶ Your Answer :
The given pie chart illustrates the
proportion of income and outcome from a children's charity in the USA over a year
period.
Overall, what stands out from form the chart is
that the food donation has possessed biggest part of income sources, while the
charity spent the most money on program services in outcomes sources.
In more detail, total revenue of the charity
from earning section is in a year with 53,561,580 dollars, compared to the spending section
with 53,224,896 dollars. Therefore, they have net profits around with 300,000
dollars in a year.<(? 불필요한 정보 처럼 보입니다) Citizens of the USA donate a great amount of lots of food for children, which
enables <(enables what?) to become an income sources to charity with 86.6 percent. The second
biggest/largest income sources is community contributions with 10.4 percent and there
are rest of other income sources that have been grouped together, as others with taking
up to about under 3 percent
On the other hand, charity invests an enormous amount of money on program services with 95.8 percent, which was the biggest reason for
spending lots of money from the expenditure section in a year. Also, expenditures/spending/investment for fundraising
and management and general was have possessed with 2.6 percent and 1.6 percent respectively.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 정리를 해주셨습니다. 다만 전체적으로 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시고 표현에 조금 더 신경을 썾쉬면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 모든 문장의 첫 단어는 대문자로 시작을 해주셔야합니다. 문법상 article화용/시제/문장구조/대문자/표현에 신경을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 또한 dollars나 percent는 $ 와 %을 대신 써주셔도 됩니다. 그리고 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |