▶ Your Answer :
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of
internet usage by different age groups in Taiwan from 1998 to 2000. There are
four age groups displayed which are less than 15, 16-30, 31-50 and 50 or more.
The dominant internet usage was dedicated
to Taiwan people of 16-50 years of old. However, their internet usage is
showing a declining trend whereas the youth and the elders experienced
increasing trends. <(16~23정도도 youth 이고 elder는 주로 60대 부터 elders라고 부릅니다. 오히려 specific하게 그룹 나이대를 사용 해주시는게 더 좋을 것 같습니다.)
The adults group (16 to 30 years old) group and
the middle aged group (31 to 50 years) old group shows the steady declining trends. More
than half of Taiwanese adults (53%) have used internet in 1998 while 41% of
middle aged group people (31-50) used the internet. This dominance decreased
drastically for the adults group with 16-30 ages by 1999 to reach at 45% and by
2000 it reduced to 44% of internet usage. Concurrently, 31 to 50 ages of internet users in Taiwan Taiwanese
people declined in a systematic manner where it dropped by 2% every year.
In contrast, the young group (less than 15
years) and the seniors (over 50 of ages) have shown a constant increasing
trend. In 1998, the internet usage for both groups recorded at 2% for young
group and 4% for senior groups. By 1999, this usage increased substantially
where the Taiwanese seniors with over 50 years old doubled its usage whereas
the young children quadrupled its usage and both reached at the same point at
8% of the internet usage. By 2000, senior used 10% of internet while junior
used at 9% of internet.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 정리를 해서 전달을 해주셨습니다. 내용을 조금 더 summarize해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 reference를 young/adults/senior/middle aged group라고 해주시는 것 보다는 age to age group라고 해주셔서 전달을 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 쓰시는데에는 전혀 문제가 없어 보이십니다. 수고 하셨습니다! |