▶ Your Answer :
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of American internet users visited five different social networking sites from 2012 to 2014. It is apparent that, Facebook has been was the dominant for its visitors for three consecutive years. Meanwhile the rest of social networking sites had experienced a constant growing number of visitors. Facebook received a majority of online adult visitors in 2012 of 67% which continued to be the dominantsocial networking sites until 2014 by reaching at 71% with a stable visiting rate for the last two years. Compared to this, LinkedIn and Twitter had the same growing rate of 2% from 2012 to 2013 despite although their visiting rate was different in the beginning; LinkedIn recorded at 20% and Twitter was 16%. In 2014, the visitors increased continued to visit and recorded at 28% for LinkedIn and 23% for Twitter. Instagram showed 4% incremental in visitors' visitor’s proportion from 13% visitor’s rate in 2012, while Pinterest showed a massive incremental trend from 15% in 2012 to 21% in 2013. By 2014, both social networking sites experienced a substantial increase where Instagram grew its visitor’s rate by 9% to end at 26%, whereas Pinterest rose by 7% to reach at 28%.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 5.5 modest user
포괄적인 부분을 먼저 서술하고 세세하게 서술내용을 연결한 부분 좋습니다. 시제, 수량 표현에서 오류 조심해주세요. 자료는 그냥 visitor가 아니라 adult visitor라고 언급했으므로 adult 키워드도 완전히 배제하면 안 될 것 같습니다. 비슷한 표현 반복은 지양해주세요. 수고하셨습니다! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |