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To start with, international sports competitions International Sport Competitions such as World Cup, Olympic Games etc. are great opportunity to gather one place for different countries citizens at one place. At the same time, both friends and enemies of athletes and fans come comes to the a place where sportsmen and sportswomen struggle. enemy보다는 opponent, competitor, match 같은 표현이 더 적합합니다. I strongly agree with the statement that fans can represent their patriotic emotion in sport stadium. 문제가 묻는 내용과 주제가 다릅니다.
It is clear that sports are a safe form of competition. In 2007 our government held hasted World Wrestling Championship. '우리' 정부라고 갑자기 이야기하는 것은 너무 뜬금없어 보일 수 있으니 내 나라 어디, 라고 밝혀주는 게 자연스럽습니다. Furthermore, before this competition, our government prepared strictly to contest for becoming well-known all over the world. Moreover, this championship attracted a huge number of visitors and sports fans. Regarding to During during competition, one opportunity was weredrawn by everybody's interest. Thus, the enemy wrestler and our wrestler struggled in final in 55kg. Fortunately, our sportsman whose who name is Rovshan Bayramov won and became the World Champion in 55kg. During the match, enemy fans could show their patriotic emotion in the wrestling hall easily. Obviously, the mentioned reason indicates that sports are really very safe form of vying. On the other hand, in some cases tensions rise among athletes and competition changes to genuine fighting. These events can impact to on fans and they may be start to fight in stadiums. By dint of these events, such misunderstanding even increases international tensions. Nevertheless, in my opinion, this type of vagueness should solve into stadium and both sides can go to compromise. In conclusion, international sports International sporting events can draw the international concern. It makes the world more peaceful and friendly.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 5 modest user
문제 내용을 벗어나는 설명은 지양해주세요. 정부가 준비를 잘 해서 사람들이 많이 왔고 안전하게 애국심을 표출했다는 내용은 논리를 구성하는 데 큰 도움이 안 됩니다. 국제적인 스포츠 행사가 국가 간 긴장을 완화시키고 애국심을 고취시켜준다는 주제내용에서 초점이 벗어나지 않도록 유의해야 할 것입니다. 문법 정확도도 신경써주세요. 수고하셨습니다! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |