▶ Your Answer :
The
bar graph elucidates the unemployment rates between men and women aged 20-24,
in one of European country over two consecutive years from 2008 to 2009. The
units are measured in a percentage. The data are showing every three 3 months
(January, April, July and October).
It
is clearly observed from the graph that the unemployment rates are fluctuating but have an upward trend overall. The proportion of male unemployed rates is higher by
double the amount than the female unemployed rates within given periods.
The
highest proportion is recorded in 2009 while the lowest one in the previous
year. Since January 2008, there had been a slight fall in the number of
unemployed people, only from 10% to 7% by men and 8% to 3% by female. Over 3
months, both genders reach a peak pick of 15% for men, and 10% for women. Then, in the
next six months, the proportion of males maintains stability, whereas females
showed a declining trend. After that, the women population in unemployment
increased to 10% while the population for unemployed men fell falls to above 11% in
July 2009. By October 2009, records the highest percentage for both genders recorded the highest percentage of
above 20% for male and approximately 14% for female.
Score: 7.5 Comment: 내용 organization/grouping에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 어순/표현/시제/에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |