In many countries, people like to eat a wide variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than local food. Do the disadvantages of this trend outweigh its advantages?
It is commonly seen that consumers’ the preference of food is changing from local food to food that produced
other regions. There are both merits and demerits, and I think that the drawbacks
are greater than benefits.
To begin with, there are some advantages in the change of food to change food of consumption trend. First of all, consumers experience different
culture by eating exotic food. With the advent of tremendously rapid development of transport system,
it allows people to learn other cultures like food, arts and music indirectly.
Thus, it is a best way to encounter rare culture to a lot of people. (외국에서 음식을 먹는 것도 아니고, 그냥 고국에서 외국의 음식을 먹는 것에 불과한데, 이걸 통해 다른 나라의 문화, 특히 예술 쪽을 어떻게 받아들일 수 있는지 전혀 파악이 안 됩니다. 물론, 지현님께서 나름의 근거를 가지고 이 문장을 작성해주셨을 수 있어요. 그건 좋지만, 대신 그 근거를 채점관들에게 설득시킬 수 있어야 해요. 현재로써는, 이것만 가지고 전혀 설득이 되지 않습니다.) Secondly, it
eventually helps intake a quality of food. This is because, many host countries
try to offer not only fresh but also nice products in order to stay maintain a good international reputation the good relationship
between countries or export. In this respect, there is a positive benefit to
consumers.
However, not all aspects of this
phenomenon are advantageous advantages. First and foremost, it can cause problems on local
economy. It is mainly because, buyers more and more avoid spending to their own country’s food, and these sales decrease it decreases considerably
along with a rise of the consume of other country food. Due to this fact, it would
lead to an ascend in the rate of unemployment such as farmers, sales person and so on.
Thus, local economy market would become inactive. Moreover, it is harmful to health
issue. In process of traveling between countries or regions, it is necessary
some chemicals are necessary in order to maintain freshness and color. These mean This means that, people
who eat the imported foods would suffer from diseases.
In conclusion, although there are some merits, I opine that this trend is mainly disadvantageous.
총평: (6/5/6/5) 5.5
예전에 말씀드린 적이 있나 가물가물한데, 6.5-7.0 이상, 특히 7.0 이상에서는 Outweigh 유형을 현재와 같이 장단점만 나열하고 아무 근거 없이 뭐가 뭐보다 더 크다~라고만 끝내서는 안 되지만, 지금 단계에서는 이런 심화내용보다 문법과 저 위의 파란색 부분 등이 더 중요하므로, 여기서 따로 말씀드리지는 않겠습니다. 대신, 그냥 outweigh 라고 되어있을 경우, 내가 직접적으로 'outweigh' 를 보여주는 게 어려울 경우 차라리 장점 (혹은 단점)으로만 주구장창 쓰는 게, 현재와 장단점을 모두 같이 중립적으로 나열만 하고 근거 없이 뭐가 뭐보다 더 크다~라고 적는 것보다는 낫다! 는 점 정도만 일단 참고해주세요.
반면 문법과 더불어 파란색 부분은 지금 단계에서도 잘 챙겨주셔야 합니다. 개인적으로는 저 부분은 어떻게 수정해도 성립이 안 된다고 생각하지만, 나름의 근거가 있으셨으면 꼭 넣어주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)
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