Some believe that installing CCTVs in high crime areas will help to reduce crime.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
Many people believe that installing CCTVs in unsafe places from crime gives (installing과 호응됩니다.) citizens many merits because it can give crucial evidence when crimes occur. Nevertheless, there are some people who believe that CCTVs can spy on humans’ privacy. This is a contentious because it combines positive factors such as safe society from crime with negative elements like misusing people’s privacy.
Firstly, many citizens assert that installing
CCTVs near our society can have positive impacts on humans’ safety. It is a
well-known fact that CCTVs frequently give significant evidence about severe
crimes. For example, the criminals that steal bracelets in huge city where has
a lot of CCTVs are being recorded in everywhere is more likely to be arrested by polices than
rural areas. As this shows, CCTVs give a lot of benefits. Therefore, it is
evident that it is well worth installment.
However, many people attend that CCTVs can
have detrimental effects on our personal information. Since CCTVs always watch
our daily lives, our private matters can be shown during the search looking for criminals. For
instance, to find a certain culprit, CCTVs are replayed several times. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.),
during this time, daily life of innocent people could be watched by the police (이건 그냥 암기하시면 편합니다.) polices. This
clearly shows that if someone hacked CCTVs, personal details could be misused. For
this reason, it is undeniable that installing CCTVs may have negative impacts
on innocent people.
To sum up, it is evident that there are many
advantageous of installing CCTVs because it gives crucial evidence that can
arrest criminals as soon as possible. However, there are also significant
drawbacks because in case of being hacked, our personal details can be mistreated disused.
총평: (5/7/6/6/) 6.0
아무래도 템플릿 의존이 어느정도 있는 글인만큼, 틀 자체는 잘 잡혔지만 이에 비해 살이 부족한 편입니다. 각 본론의 마지막 두 문장은 사실 크게 의미가 없는 문장이기 때문에, 여건이 되면 그걸 대신해서 근거를 추가적으로 적어주시면 좋아요. 단, 지금으로도 6.0 정도는 충분히 받으시므로 6.5점 이상이 무조건 필요한 상황에서만 이를 고려해주시면 되겠습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)