Q. Some people think that it is a good idea that all employees wear uniforms at work. What extent do you agree or disagree?
Wearing uniforms is a contentious topic in modern society. Some people believe that wearing uniforms is a good decision for employees. I personally agree with this idea because of two main reasons.
To begin with, wearing uniforms (벌써 세 번이나 쓰였습니다. 뒤에도 계속 쓰이고 있고요. 매번 대체하기는 불가능하지만, 그래도 최소한의 대체는 해주시는 게 좋아요. 그래야 6.5를 향한 지름길이 열릴 겁니다.) can give a good impression to customers. This is because uniforms usually provide employees with a sense of professionalism. Most people are more likely to fully trust a person who looks professional. For example, when people go to a bank, they see many employees who are wearing bank uniforms. Because of the uniform, bankers look trustworthy, so customer tend to rely on bankers to keep their money, and they will more often use the bank. This shows that Therefore, wearing uniforms can have positive effects on not only companies but also their employees.
Furthermore, wearing uniforms helps employees save their time. In modern society, many people care too much about other people’s judgemens tS too much, so they are more likely to spend a lot of time choosing their clothes before they go to work. However, by wearing uniforms, they do not have to think what clothes to choose because all employees should wear the same uniforms on a daily basis. Therefore, employees can focus on their work throughly instead of taking care about other’s judgements, so work efficiency will increase. For this reason, employees should wear uniforms at work.
Overall, it may seem like wearing uniforms is bad for employees, but the mentioned examples above prove that wearing uniforms bring positive outcomes for both companies and employees. This is because employees can give assure trustworthy impressions to customers and wearing uniforms is useful to save employees’ time.
6.5 받는게 목표인데 쉽지 않ㄴㅔ요 ㅠㅠ 첨삭 해주시면 감사드리겠습니다 :)
건강 조심하시구 행복한 하루 되세요 ~~!
총평: (7/6/5/6) 6.0
이전 시험에서 ㅊㅊㅁㅅ님께서 몇 점을 받으셨는지 모르겠지만, 아마 지금 글에서 문법 오류가 그렇게 많지는 않다는 점을 봤을 때 그래도 6.0은 꾸준히 받으시지 않았을까 싶네요.
그리고 지금 문법으로는, 즉 깔끔함으로는 6.5가 충분히 가능합니다. 그러면 남는 건 어휘인데, 전반적으로 조금 더 다양한 표현을 사용하려고 노력하는 것이 포인트가 됩니다. 따라서 단어를 암기하실 때 꼭 동의어도 같이 외워주시고, 패러프레이징에 대한 연습도 해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :) 건강 조심하세요!