Your Answer ▼ It is a common belief that the time a person spends working is more beneficial than the time he be or she spend interacting with their family. However, there is a more persuasive argument that the precise time with family is very significant as both individuals and families are far happier when they have more time together.
On the one hand, doing work is important to the financial balance of a family (기존에도 아예 틀린 건 아닌데, 조금 더 매끄럽게 바꿔드렸습니다.) finance. This is because if a worker cannot make a living, the overall happiness of his or her family can not be ensured. Therefore, most people must commit much of their lives to their careers. For examples, parents sometimes miss out on events in their children's lives, but this does not indicate that they are uninterested in their family. It is simply a trade-off they must make. In order to be able to afford their children's education, parents must work long hours that sometimes separate them from their families. It's It is (줄임말 사용은 가급적이면 지양해주세요.) a sacrifice for the family's overall happiness and success.
Nevertheless, there is a more valuable things of individuals and his or her family that spending time with family. (여기는 문장이 약간 꼬인 것 같은데 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다. 아니면, mm님께서 직접 바꾸셔도 되고요.) Family time is usually fun and relaxing, while work makes people stressful. According to a poll by center for Family Development, the majority of respondents ranked family time over work when asked about the things that brought the most satisfaction to their lives. Also, when asked separately whether being with their family and being at work were positive or negative experiences, an overwhelming 85 percent responded that they always enjoy the time that they spend with their families, while over 60 percent claimed to experience more stress than pleasure at their jobs. (설문이 문단 전개의 대부분을 차지하지 않도록 조절해주세요~문단 전개에서 가장 중요한 것은 예시, 설문 등이 아닌 일반적인 근거입니다. 즉 이 문단을 기준으로 보면 family time is~~ 로 시작하는 문장이 되겠죠.)
To sum up, while it is apparent that time used for working is sometimes more crucial than family time, it is undeniable that to enjoy with family time is more crucial and should be a priority. (이전 글과 마찬가지로, 여기도 내 주장에 대한 간략한 근거를 적어주셔야 합니다.) |