In the modern world, there are still numerous underdeveloped countries in need of economic, social and technological progress/advancement. At the same time, international communities have decided to give financial or practical assistance to them that helps improve the country’s lifestyle. However, I believe that the assistance should be more focused in the form of practical support that is directly helpful.
To begin with, it is true that foreign monetary assistance is of great help to a poor country. Every year, tons of (이건 구어체라 수험생의 입장에서는 쓰지 않는 게 좋긴 한데, canadalove 님의 경우 수험생이 더이상 아니기 때문에...굳이 제약에 갇힐 필요가 없긴 합니다.) children in the nation are suffering from hunger, and are not given any proper education with lack of its facilities. If the government is financially backed/supported by international communities, they are able to take immediate actions in such urgent problems for their citizens to ensure a better life. In other words, the nation can develop their basic infrastructures, health care and education sectors using the internationally supported budget/fund. Therefore, financial aid is highly helpful as it can satisfy the nation’s desire firsthand/as priority.
Nevertheless, my belief is that (여기의 경우도 사실 수험생의 입장이면 본론에 내 가치가 들어가지 않게 수정해야 하지만, 현재 수험생이 아니시므로 아무런 상관이 없고요.) practical aid is much more effective to those underdeveloped countries. Undeniably, some of the countries are prone to take advantage of the internationally funded budget, abusing the money. They do not spend it wisely for their citizens. For instance, the? (the 맞습니다!) North Korean government has been supported with South Korea’s finances for three decades due to their lower poor economic condition. Nevertheless, it turned out that the given fund has been invested in devising quality weapons and nuclear technology to reinforce the North Korean military service as a means of threat and extortion to other countries being pushed to support financially. Therefore, practical form of assistance is more useful to prevent such pitiable situations. Moreover, most poor countries have lower levels of medical technology which are barely resistant to just mild illnesses. In this case, even if a great deal of funds are provided to them, it would take a number of years to devise new medical treatments. Thus, by being provided medical techniques or its supplies from developing countries is the best choice for the needy.
In conclusion, although monetary assistance is important, I strongly believe that practical help is much more beneficial for needy nations in order to achieve a rapid boost of economic development.
안녕하세요~~ 오랜만이에요!! 아독사에 일주일에 틈틈히 첨삭받으면서 시험 준비하곤 했었는데 덕분에
졸업하게 됬어요!!!! 그래도 라이팅은 더 공부해보고 싶어서 또 왔어요~~ 적다보니까 글자수가 360자나 되버려서
너무 죄송합니다 ㅠㅠㅠ 감사드려요 좋은하루 보내세요!
안녕하세요 :) 여기는 아독사가 아니라 고우해커스인데...ㅠㅠ여하튼 졸업하게 되셨다니 너무 축하드립니다! 질문도 열심히 하시고 피드백도 잘 받아주셔서 잘 졸업하실 수 있을 것 같았어요~
길이 등에 대해 죄송할 건 없고, 언제든 오셔도 환영이니까 마음 편하게 오세요!
굳이 콕 집어서 아이엘츠 라이팅을 공부하고 싶으신 게 아니면, 개인적으로는 그냥 자유주제의 글을 올려서 연습해보시는 것도 괜찮다고 생각합니다. 아이엘츠 라이팅은 canadalove 님도, 그리고 첨삭하는 저에게도 수험이라는 제약을 거는데, 이제 어차피 시험은 졸업하셨으니까 조금 더 일반적인 글쓰기에 도전해보시는 것도 나쁘지 않을 거에요 :)