In this contemporary modern society, some people say ‘Keep moving and don’t stop until you get there.’ But (문장을 and but so 로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.) others say ‘It’s okay to let go. Take a break.’ In this essay, I will discuss both views before giving my own opinion. Some parts I agreed but some parts I disagree with those saying. So I would like to discuss both view.
First of all, for anyone, it is hard to take the bad situation right away when those things happened. Whether accepting those situsation or not depends on what kind of situation it is. For example, there are many things that can be changed if you (2인칭은 구어에 해당합니다. 그러므로 안 쓴다고 보시면 돼요. 다른데에도 다 수정해주세요~) make effort such as lack of money, job conflicts, poverty. In this these circumstances, it is right to work hard to improve such condition. For instance, study hard to get better job or get a second job to earn more money. For instance, studying hard to get a better job to earn more money can be a case.
However, there are also things that will not be gone over time until you change your mind. In my personal experience, I have been always chubby since I was born. That makes made me so stressed and lowered my self-confidence, in the end, I do not love myself. That affected a lot of things like relationship with around people and I was always caught up going on a diet in order to look slim with ‘Diet’, which means to lose my weight and need to look slim because that is how world thinks right. I tried to lose my weight literally half of my life bit but always failed because I like eating too much to overcome to ‘Fat’. Then one day, I saw the movie ‘I feel pretty’. The main character was is chubby and has no love to herself. Then suddenly she slipped in the bathroom and hot her head at the mirror so badly. Guess what? (이런 것도 싹 다 구어입니다. 지금 연설문을 쓰는 게 아니니까 싹 다 평문으로 고쳐주세요~) After that thing, she felt as if feels she was is the most beautiful woman in the world. Her life was totally changed despite nothing had changed except her mind. So, I learned a huge lesson thanks to the movie and I decided to take myself just the way I am.
In conclusion, it is true to take the bad situation. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) But the most important thing we need to consider is what makes us happy. If you cannot accept it, find the way to escape it or if you can, make your make peaceful and relax to take it.
총평: (6/6/5/6) 6.0
지금 가장 중요한 작업은 구어를 싹 빼는 것입니다. 위에서 말씀드렸듯이 연설문을 쓰는 게 아니기 때문에, 기본적으로 문어체를 갖출 수 있어야해요. 또한 영어 실력에 근본적인 문제가 있는 건 아니고, 문법 어휘가 어느정도는 준수하기 때문에 6점 정도는 그래도 받으실 수 있을 겁니다. 그러나 냉정히 보면 7점에는 많이 모자란 상황입니다. 그러므로 글을 쓰는 것과 별개로 문법과 단어공부는 꾸준히 해주셔야합니다.
본론 두 번째 문단의 경우는 링크로 설명을 대체하겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_story&type=url&uid=469233
목표점수7.0