In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
With today’s advancement in technology, a variety of transportation are prevalent in the modern society. Creating a new railway line is the focal point of most deliberations in modern society. Regarding this issue, if, on the one hand, it can be said that there are a range of potential benefits when constructing new railways by rail way spending a great deal of money, on the other hand, it can also be said that modifying the current public transportation is more profitable. Personally, I believe that it is more advantageous to construct new railways constructing a new one.
To begin with, there are those with a belief that the fast trains have many positive aspects. The fist thing that is clear to see behind their argument is that as the new train is faster, the more people who did were not interested in the train will take that to get to their work. Moreover, a lot of individuals can get to the places even faster and efficiently than previous days. As a result, the train will be affordable to the a high proportion of people. Another crucial element why they believe the contention is that this new system can save the money. (이렇게만 적고 넘기는 것이 아니라, 이 내용과 관련해서 최소 한 줄은 더 넣을 수 있어야 합니다.)
From the other stand point, others are not content with the aforementioned benefits; they insist that improving existing public transportation is not only positive but also even advantageous. Primarily, anyone can see that building a new rail for very faster trains between citis is needed requires a lot of money. Re-modeling current public transportation is the way of saving more money for a long time. The most compelling evidence of this we cannot overlook is that using a new system can be stressful for commuters. As a result, it is no exaggeration to say that the rate of using train will be reduced, and a considerable amount of money will be wasted.
Without going in circles, I am inclined to be of the same opinion that the introduction of new railway lines for efficient means of transport is more advantageous rather than maintenence of current public transportation.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
일단 글의 상당 부분이 템플릿인만큼, 적어도 틀린 부분이 그렇게 많지는 않았습니다.
그러나, 템플릿은 분명 장점도 있지만, 단점 역시 명확히 존재합니다. 일단 지금 템플릿과 템플릿이 아닌 부분 간에 차이가 꽤나 나기 때문에, 실전에서는 암기에 따른 약간의 감점은 각오하셔야 합니다. 고로 혹시 7점 이상의 고득점, 혹은 무조건 6.5점 이상이 필요한 상황이면 템플릿 의존도는 최소한으로 줄여주세요~템플릿이 틀을 잡아주는데에는 도움이 되지만, 반대로 학생들을 하나의 틀에 가둔다는 단점도 있기 때문에 잘 판단해주셔야 합니다. (쓰지 말라는 말은 절대 아닙니다! 좋은 점도 엄청 많아요.)
수고하셨습니다 :)