People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best was to succeed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is common belief that the longer people study in one area, the more skillful they become. Therefore, some people claim people have to only concentrate on one skill because the possibility of success is the highest, while others are against it. This essay will discuss two reasons why I disagree with this opinion only focusing on a single skill.
To begin with, people are more likely to succeed with a broader level of knowledge in their area. People should be more creative to be competitive in our society these days since there are so many professional people that common skills tend to be low valued skills. Therefore, people have to learn other skills as well to develop their original skills, for example, by combining with new skills. In fact, many popular firms and high level of universities in Korea are actually known to require creativity for appliers to be more competitive. Therefore, the attitude of society is also changing in the way that a lot of people are focusing on appealing their creativity on their personal statement. Moreover, since it is a period of ‘creating the business’, creativity and uniqueness are more important to survive in the market. (여기의 경우, 특히 마지막 문장을 제외한 나머지는 '여러 능력' 에 대한 근거라기보다는 창의성의 중요성을 뒷받침하는 근거에 가깝습니다.)
Secondly, learning other skills is useful and helpful for people to prepare other jobs due to increase in life expectancy. People have to get other jobs to keep their standard of living after they retire (그냥 참고로만 말씀드리자면, 단순 retire로 한정짓기보다는 '이런저런 이유로 첫 직장을 그만두게 될 때' 라고 적어주시면 더 좋긴 합니다.) from the first job. Therefore, it is better to learn new skills in advance for getting second job without the time gap. In fact, secondary schools in South Korea actually teaches and encourages students to learn various skills as a reason of increasing life expectancy. Moreover, some university students hope to create a business so that they do not have to worry about second job since business tends to be quite a prominent job.
To conclude, the possibility of success increases with broader knowledge and preparing for the second job is becoming necessary because of rising life expectancy. Therefore, I believe people should try to concentrate on various skills rather than just a single skill.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
여전히 각 본론의 후반부는 아쉽긴 하지만, 그래도 이번 글이 경우 어휘가 괜찮았고 문법 쪽도 최소한의 오류로 선방해서, 이정도면 task2는 어찌저찌 6.5에 맞춰질 수 있을 겁니다. 그러나 task1은 전혀 별개의 영역이기 때문에 이에 대한 대비는 꼭 해주세요!
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