The environment is changing rapidly because humans are destroying nature to meet their needs.
Discuss this cause of environmental change and suggest some solutions for this problem.
There is a wide spread concern that a large number of humans are
destroying nature for their benefits. This environmental problem results from
thoughtless human activities like deforestation or poaching. However, this is something
that can be done deal with.
Many experts illustrates that one of the main reasons of the changing
environment is due to selfish people using up natural nature resources. Many corporates
and even individuals are cutting down too many trees in forests and even killing
a great number of animals for their economic purposes. For example, in Africa,
humans who selling rhino’s corns kill rhinos from time to time to earn the
money, and a lot of trees are being cut down with the increase in the use of paper cutting down as use of papers increase. As this
shows, these problems will be more likely to accelerate if we are not cautious.
Therefore, it is evident that we need to find various solutions to solving the
problems.
To
address these sorts of problems, we have to consider reducing detrimental
effects on society. Therefore, to
prevent wild animals from being hunted by thoughtless human beings, each nation
has to make a law to protect animals as soon as possible. Also, the
conservationists constantly need to monitor companies that cut down a number of
trees without any regulations. By doing these things, we could reduce the speed of demolition
about the environment. For this reason, it is clear that if humans constantly try
to reduce thoughtless behaviors such as deforestation and poaching, people can
preserve the environment that they have been living live in for a long time.
To
summarize, although the nature is being destroyed destroying nature to meet humans’ needs, it is clear that
much is being done to solve this problem. (지금 글의 목적은 현재 어떠한 해결책들이 시행되고 있는지를 서술하는 것이 아니라, 어떠한 해결책이 있는지를 서술하는 것입니다. 파란색 부분은 전자를 의미하기 때문에 적절하지 않고요.)
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
결론 마지막 부분만 아니었어도 아슬아슬하게 6.5까지는 괜찮았을 것 같아서 아쉽네요. 저 부분은 it is clear that much can be done to solve~~라고 작성할 경우 일단 의미는 통하게 됩니다. 대신 구체적인 해결책까지 요약해주는 게 더 좋고요.
수고하셨습니다 :)
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